I'm pregnant and think my husband is cheating

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and pregnant. My husband is 20 years older than I am. He has two daughters living with us. Since I have become pregnant, my husband has been staying out late. I told him that he should be at home because I need him. The girls are young; both of them are teenagers, one is 13 and the other is almost 15. I believe that my husband is having an affair. He said that is not true. When he is not at home, he says he is doing overtime work so that he can meet the bills. He is the only one working. The problem is whenever he is doing overtime and I try to call him on the phone, he does not respond. And when I call his workplace, they say that they do not give information on any worker. I am confused.

Sometimes I am afraid to say anything to him because he has a habit - whenever he is upset - of taking his pillow and going into the girls' room and sleeping on the same bed with them. I told him that is not right, and he said that they are his daughters so nothing is wrong if he sleeps with them on their bed. I know that wherever he is at nights, the person is giving him food because he does not even bother to eat when he comes home.

H.G.

Dear H.G.,

I am glad you got married, but your husband is not showing much maturity. He should treat you with respect and show you much affection while you are pregnant. However, you need to know that some men find it very difficult to be affectionate to their wives unless it is time for sex. And some men have affairs while their wives are pregnant. Some women do not like their men touching them when they are pregnant, especially if the pregnancy was not planned. They don't need to drive their men away, but the men use the period to have sex with other women.

You believe that your husband is having an affair but you have no proof that he is. You say that when you call him at work you cannot get him, and nobody at his office would give you information. I believe that you should desist from accusing him unless you have solid proof the he is cheating. Your husband goes into his daughters' room and sleep when he believes that you are nagging him. You believe that it is wrong for him to do so. Are you trying to say that by sleeping into his daughters' room, he would molest them? He might feel that that is the best thing for him to do to get away from your nagging. Have the girls' ever complained to you that he has touched them inappropriately?

Perhaps you would prefer if he sleeps on the couch or on the floor. Perhaps when he comes home late, you should not fuss but allow him to sleep then. And question him after he has had a good night's rest. In that case, he would not have any reason to be going into his daughters' room to sleep.

I wish you a safe delivery; very soon you will have your baby. If after you have had your baby, your husband continues to stay out late or to make excuses that you cannot accept, make an appointment for both of you to see a family counsellor.

Pastor