I don't like my girlfriend's parents

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column in THE STAR. I am 30 years old and I am in love with a woman. We are planning to get married.

We have two children. We shouldn't have children already but we were careless. We didn't use family planning. So the children came early. We were not ready for them. I love the children but it is rough sometimes.

My children's mother and I are not living together as yet, she lives with her parents and I live on my own. Whenever we want to have sex, I have to find her or she finds me. If she cannot come to me, I have to go where she is, and that is to her parents' home. I don't think they love me so much but they can't do better.

I try to support her and the children well. Her parents know that. This young woman and I got involved while both of us were in college. We couldn't control ourselves.

When she got pregnant it did not affect our studies, although sometimes she suffered from morning sickness. She does not like me to use the condom so I do what she wants.

Now she tells me that she hasn't seen her period and she suspects that she is pregnant for a third time. Every time I have sex with her, I try to pull out when I feel that I am going to ejaculate. Her parents are expecting me to do more but I can't do more.

If she is pregnant again that is going to affect the type of wedding that we were planning to have this year. They think that I am to be blamed for getting their daughter pregnant. Her parents want me to spend more money than I am spending on my family. But I cannot do more.

I want them to get out of our love life. It is hard on me. They like to complain to my relatives. I want my girlfriend to stop listening to them. They behave as if I have a lot of money. They even want me to spend money on them. I don't trust these people. They seem to want to gang up on me. But I am smarter than they think. I don't like my girlfriend's people. I don't trust them but I love my girlfriend. I want my woman to come and live with me.

Concern

Dear Concern,

Your fiancEe and yourself should try and find a two-bedroom apartment. Get married in a very small and simple ceremony and move in together. But before you do, try and sit with a family counsellor. Both of you need professional help. This woman of yours like to have sex bareback, the natural way, she may say. But she should learn to protect herself from pregnancy. And at the moment, she is not doing so. So I conclude that she is not wise. But your are not being wise either because you are practising the withdrawal method. And you should know that that does not always work. Well, put it this way, both of you are living proof that it does not always work. Stop blaming her parents for getting into the life of their daughter and you. Be a man. Take control, plan a simple wedding and move your woman out of her parents' house.

Pastor