My husband got my relative pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 61. I listen to you every night on Power 106. I am married but my husband and I are separated, though not legally.

He is living in Jamaica and I am in America. I am a nurse. My husband was not interested in coming to America. I tried my best to get him to come, but he does not like travelling.

I visit Jamaica twice a year to be with my husband. I could see that he tried to remain faithful to me. Every time I went home it was like honeymoon all over.

Seven years ago my husband slipped up. He got one of my relatives pregnant. This girl was my favourite relative. I never thought that anything like that would have happened. She has a boyfriend and a child.

I felt like dying when my husband told me he had an affair with her, and I should not fuss. He told me the girl was willing to give up the baby so her boyfriend would stay with her. I told him no, we should keep the baby. He waited until I came to Jamaica to tell me. I spoke to her, but did not curse her.

She registered the child in her boyfriend's name, but my husband knows it is his child. Her boyfriend decided to stay with her. We can't allow the people in the area to know. Her boyfriend is a calm and decent young man.

My husband told me if I was here that would not have happened to him. I could say the same of him. If he was with me, that wouldn't have happened.

How am I going to deal with this child? I have children for my husband. To think my husband has a child with my relative! I would love to adopt this child so he will not have much to do with this girl anymore. He is retired so the responsibility to support this child is on me.

P.K.

Dear P.K.,

When I first started to read your letter, I thought you were going to get a divorce. All you meant was that both of you are not living together in North America. Long-distance relationships always cause problems. It is not easy for couples to live apart for long periods without getting into trouble.

You admitted your husband tried but, eventually, he became sexually involved with one of your female relatives. She could have been more careful. He did not have to become involved with her either. Both are to be blamed. They had unprotected sex. Perhaps your husband thought, at his age, he could not impregnate a woman. I am glad he told you the truth.

I cannot encourage you to adopt this child. I encourage you to do your best to assist your husband in supporting the child. Whatever you believe you can send to the mother, do so, but do not take on the full responsibility of supporting this child.

The young woman registered the child in her boyfriend's name. He has accepted the child as his own. Perhaps he needs to be commended. Perhaps he still loves her and is trying to avoid scandal in the community. Of course, most of us know that when things like these happen, it can only remain hidden for a while.

May I suggest that you and your husband go to a family counsellor. Try to talk over your problems. I hope you will stop blaming each other, and you will forgive him.

Pastor