My wife refuses sex, can I divorce her?

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24. My girlfriend of two years and I got married six months ago.

Our families attend the same church but not the same congregation.

In our church they encourage young people to marry within the faith.

I fell in love with my wife and I tried my best not to have sex with her until we were married. It was hard but we secretly masturbated. We found ways to satisfy each other without having sexual intercourse. We were good in having phone sex.

When we went for premarital counselling, the counsellor asked if we ever had sex. We said 'no'. When we got married my wife took more than a week to take off her clothes in front of me. She finally got over that.

Now, I am getting tired of trying to convince her to have sex with me more than two times a week. She said she does not like sex.

I do not go to work on Saturdays so we go out Friday nights for dinner. When we come home I always try to have sex.

Sometimes she pulls away and tells me she is tired. I say, "OK, sleep". Early Saturday morning I will try again, and it is a fight.

Pastor, I don't know what to do. I told one of the elders of the church. He told her that it was her wifely duty. She said she would change but has not. Is it ok for a man to divorce his wife if she doesn't want to have sex with him? I am eager to hear your response.

L.S

Dear L.S.,

I suggest you tell your wife you are prepared to make an appointment with the pastor of the church to discuss her attitude towards sex and to let him know you are very frustrated and your sexual desires are not met.

Your wife is not ill. You haven't said she is suffering from some unusual discharge or anything. She has insisting, all the time, that she is tired. She is failing to meet her sexual obligations.

You are married. What your wife needs to understand is, if she refuses to have sex with you, she is driving you to the street.

It is essential that couples enjoy a normal sex life. No couple (especially young) will be completely happy without a healthy sex life.

I assume during premarital counselling the marriage officer showed you from the Bible what is written about sex.

If he didn't. let me show you. If he did, it will serve as a reminder. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, says Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and, for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Wives should not neglect to satisfy their husbands' sexual needs, neither should husbands neglect to satisfy their wives sexual needs. The Bible warns there are dangers when each spouse fails to carry out their sexual obligations. I hope your wife will learn to enjoy sex. Perhaps you need to do more foreplay to make your wife feel more comfortable. If it is painful she needs to go to the doctor. You have not mentioned that she complains of pain. If you do not feel comfortable going to your pastor, you must go to a family counsellor. Do your best to save your marriage.

Pastor