I no longer love my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am living with my son's father, but I hate him so much. I had loved him before, really loved him. I am employed and I do not need things from him. He wants us to get married; he asked and I told him yes.

I really can't live the rest of my life with this man. He is the first man for me. We have broken up and got back together, but that was when I loved him. Our child is 14 years old. I asked him why he wants to marry me and he said he could not think of anyone else to spend his life with.

FALLEN OUT OF LOVE

He loves, me but I have fallen out of love with him because when I was busy loving him, he was out there playing the field. I used to check his phone and see him sending messages to other women, telling them how much he loves them. It's not like it's one woman, or women with class. I know some of these girls and they know me and know that I am his woman.

He is always not at home. He goes to work, comes home, eat and go back to play dominoes with his friends (according to him). He refuses to buy food for the house. I have to go shopping every week. All he buys is Hennessey and lobster and invite friends over to drink on weekends.

Pastor, I think I now have feelings for women. When I am having sex with him, I have to think about a woman to be turned on. Would that make me a lesbian even though I am not sexually involved with a woman? How do I tell this man I am no longer in love with him? Should I pursue my sexual desires for the same sex?

T.B.

Dear T.B.,

When you started to lose interest in your child's father and he asked you to marry him, why didn't you say no at that time and tell him why? Why did you accept his proposal? It seems to me that this love relationship broke down a long time ago and both of you should not be living together.

You haven't indicated whether you have tried to get professional help. I believe if you had done so, you would have mentioned it. This man has taken you for granted.

I doubt very much that his attitude towards you is the reason why you have become interested in persons of your own sex. I think what you are trying to say is that you do not trust men anymore. You see them as deceivers and uncaring. And you are beginning to think that women understand each other more, so having an intimate relationship with another woman would help to meet your sexual needs. I cannot encourage you to become intimate with a person of your own sex. But what I would encourage you to do is to make an appointment to see a psychologist and explain to him/her what you have been going through with this man and what you are feeling now. In the meantime, I would encourage you to end the relationship with this man. You are working and you should be able to pay your own bills and take care of yourself. Please write to me again. I wish you well.

Pastor