Why does my mother treat me this way?

Dear Pastor,

I've recently began reading your column and you are very great at what you do. To begin, my mother and I have never had a decent relationship since I was 13 years old. I am now 20. If I do something that upsets her, she stops speaking to me. We tried talking to each other to fix our relationship, but I am always the one doing the talking. When I was 17, she stopped speaking to me. I was so hurt that I asked my pastor if he could help; still, I was doing all the talking. My mother has never told me she loves me, although saying it sometimes means nothing. She doesn't show it either.

I started dating a guy, who lives in Jamaica, last year and we love each other. I went to visit him and he came to visit me in America a few months later after receiving his visa. She 100 per cent disapproves of the relationship. She thinks he is cheating because he lives in another country when, in fact, what people need to understand is that a person can sleep in the same bed every night with one person and still cheat. Although, with the type of relationship that he and I have, I know for a fact he isn't. I am very smart and I pick up on things very quickly. She prefers me with a guy who lives in America, but I have dated guys who live here and they are very narrow-minded and into scamming and gang-banging, which is a turn off.

When he came up, my mother didn't want to speak to him at all. One day, he came to my house and I had to beg her to say hello. She said I should pay her if I wanted her to speak to him. I felt so bad because when I was in Jamaica, his mother treated me with so much love. She made sure I ate and she even took me on the road with her. We still communicate via text message and phone calls once in a while.

KICKING ME OUT

My mother has been threatening to kick me out of the house for about six months now, and she knows I have nowhere to go. My father is out of the house and is paying child support for me, my younger brother and sister. With my father's situation, he is unable to help me as I would like. She doesn't give me any of the money that my father gives her for me. I am working, but that money isn't enough to take care of me and to go to school. Owing to that, I had to leave school because I couldn't pay for school and take care of myself with what I earn.

She used to go grocery shopping, but she told me not to use anything that is in her house. One day in March, she made me so upset that I yelled at her. Since that day, she hasn't been speaking to me and, to be honest, I am OK with that; I have become so accustomed to this behaviour. I honestly feel like my mother hates me, because why would you stop speaking to your child for so long, when we are living in the same house, and we see each other every day? I am not hurt because, as I stated earlier, I am accustomed to her behaviour. All I want to know is why does she treat me this way? I have an older brother as well and she always makes sure he eats. She greets him when she comes in the house. It is as though that is her man. She treats my younger sister the same way she treats me, but she gives my sister money and she only stops speaking to her for two days at most. My younger brother is autistic, so we all treat him with love. As you can see, I can go on and on, but I will stop here until next time. Thank you in advance.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Your father should be told that you are not getting any benefit from the money he sends to your mother to support the family. Therefore, you would like to suggest that he sends a portion of the money to you to assist you to meet your needs and a portion to your mother. Do not say anything negative about your mother to your father; and although she is not treating you right, be respectful to her at all times.

Pastor