I don't like some things about my wife

Dear Pastor:

Greetings. I am writing to you once again. I hope this is not new to you as I know you to be an experienced counsellor.

I have a problem. It seems to be my wife's family tradition. We have been married for almost a year. It's like each day my eyes are opening to see another side of her that I don't like. Please, don't get me wrong. I love her sincerely without any regrets.

We are both Christians and I study the words of the Bible. It has taught me how to live a good Christian life. In living this Christian life, there are things that I am seeing and have to live with.

She has a daughter who is 11 years old. We have a son who is one year old.

My wife told me of somethings that happened to her stepfather who was very helpful to her and her mom. Her stepfather was in a very good job and had great plans to build a house as they were not living in a concrete house. It so happened that he told his best friend about his plans. The best friend who got envious of him and cut his throat. He died on the spot.

She told me how well her life would have been if her stepfather hadn't died, as she got pregnant in high school. It appears as if I am playing the role of her stepfather to her and her daughter.

When I just met her daughter, the first thing I taught her to do was to read the clock. I saw a great potential in her as her mom told me that she said her dad never taught her anything.

I remember getting into an argument with my wife, but then I realised that it wasn't getting anywhere, so I stopped talking. I started to sing a few prayer choruses. Then I heard a voice in my head saying to me that I should pray and go to my bed, which I obeyed.

When I woke up in the morning, the same voice told me to take up the Bible and open it and read it. When I obeyed and opened the Bible, I saw Lamentation chapter 1.

Pastor, I believe in God, and He never destroys a city without a warning. I told her to pray before, but she only read it. She is not willing to let go of the past so we can build a future together.

She cleared a piece of land for us to build a house because where we're now is not a fully concrete house. All I want her to do is let us live in accordance with God and put our differences aside.

I have already broken my father's family curse by not having more than one baby- mother. I am married with a family. Keep up the good work. Hope to hear from you soon.

Man of Faith

Dear Man of Faith

I regret hearing that your wife's stepfather was murdered. Your wife thought highly of him and, from time to time, his gruesome death might cause her to feel sad. That is something that you should understand.

You seem to be carried away by your religious faith. You are not very practical. From time to time, you are claiming to hear voices and you believe that God is speaking to you and telling you what to do.

Your wife does not seem to share your convictions, and because she doesn't, you believe that she is rebellious.

My friend, your wife has the right to disagree with you from time to time. She is a practical woman. Don't try to put her down by believing that if she does not agree with you in everything, she is not a good woman.

You felt that God told you to read a particular scripture and you suggested that she reads it but should pray first, and she didn't. So you see that as being disobedience.

You and your wife need to sit with a family counsellor and get some guidance in family life. You cannot have your own way at all times in a marriage. So seek the help of a professional.

Pastor