Am in need of a good woman

Dear Pastor,

I am a hard-working young professional living in the United Kingdom. I am writing to you in search of help as I'm living in a country where the women do not interest me.

In theory, I have it all. I'm 23, I drive, I have my own place, and most of all, I have a really good job in the city. However, one thing I'm missing in my life is commitment. I'm not scared to commit, but the problem I'm now facing is that I'm not interested in Western women. I need a Caribbean woman.

Marriage has been on my mind lately, Pastor, so I'm hoping that you can help me find someone who is looking for similar things. Ideally, she needs to be independent, with a reasonable level of education; no children (I have a son); God-fearing/spiritual; and preferably, comes from a good family. Looks are important within reason, but I appreciate morals more.

In addition to this, I would like to stress that I'm only interested in women who have held a job or who are currently working. At this moment in time, Pastor, you are my last resort.

D.

Dear D.,

I doubt you are speaking the truth. I could say that I hope you are speaking the truth, the absolute truth, and nothing but the truth. But I know better. If you cannot find a woman to suit your criteria and you say how well you are doing in life, it is difficult for me to believe you.

I know it possible for men to lie about themselves. So I want you to know that if you are lying about yourself, you will be exposed. I published this letter hoping that you are being truthful and not hoping to fool any Caribbean woman because if you do, she would turn on you and suck your blood like a vampire.

Pastor