My man is so jealous and annoying at times

Dear Pastor,

I am a young lady, age 22, and I am currently seeking a job in the tourism industry.

I went to do an interview at a popular hotel in Kingston, but I am yet to receive a call from them.

My problem is that I have a boyfriend who is 37 years old and very jealous; sometimes I think his head 'go and come'. He is a security guard and we've been together for a year now.

He is very good to me otherwise, and I love him very much. Whenever I am with him, he treats me very well. But when I am away from him, he wants to know if I have another man, and so on. It is getting on my nerves.

I think he is a bit insecure about himself and I try my best to make him feel loved. He doesn't give me money, but he buys me whatever I want.

I am trying to help him save his money because he refuses to buy cooking gas and keeps spending his money at restaurants. I spoke to him about it because I can cook and I would like to cook my own meals and not have to go out to buy food.

Whenever I talk to him about it, he says he will soon move from where he is living so he is trying to save that money.

OUTSIDE BATHROOM

When I first went to his house, the bathroom was not working, so I had to do everything outside. I am not used to going outside because, from a young age, my father built a bathroom so I could use it.

I had asked him to fix the bathroom because I am a woman and he should make his house woman-friendly. He promised to fix it, but his aunt abroad wants to rent the house so he says he will be moving soon.

If I wanted to leave this man I could have, but I haven't because I love him too much.

I don't let my father know the conditions I have to encounter when I visit my boyfriend because he would curse me. Only my mother knows and she is advising me to try and help him to do better.

One day, I got a text from an old friend saying he misses me and if I am not coming back to him. I have not heard from this guy in ages. The text came in when I was around my boyfriend and he saw it. I explained to him what it was, but he thinks I had been corresponding with the guy recently.

I even texted the guy in front of him to prove to my boyfriend that I was not lying. I told him to stop texting my phone because we've been over for two years now and I was happy with my man.

TRUST

My boyfriend doesn't trust me and I don't believe he thinks highly of me. I must admit that I have made some mistakes in the past that I am not proud of because I was a sheltered child. But now, I am willing to settle down.

I have not done anything to make my boyfriend not trust me, but he still thinks I am keeping someone with him. He went as far as to ask my niece and my mother if any guy comes to the house to me.

At one point, we had an argument because he's always talking about how I am a 'yard gyal' and everything my mother knows. He went as far as to criticise my birth defect and he knows I am insecure about it. So I told him to help me get a job.

I broke it off with him after that and he came back and apologised to me and my mother, saying he was sorry and he only said those things out of anger and never meant them. I forgave him and gave him another chance.

But now, he is accusing me of being unfaithful and even saying that a guy in his lane told him that he and I had a conversation. Pastor, I don't even pass people in his area and say howdy, so I don't know how someone could tell him that.

He is jealous because men always call to me on the road, but I don't answer them. One of his aunts lives down the road from him and I get along fine with her and his cousin. They have no problem with me.

Sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend is silently mad or if he's just overly jealous.

I don't want to leave him, but he's getting on my last nerve with his accusations. Sometimes when we argue, even over some simple things, he tells me that I can leave him if I want.

Please advise me on what to do. I am patiently awaiting your reply.

S.D.

Dear S.D.,

You say that you don't want to leave this guy, but I must be frank with you, he is not smart. You are wasting your time with him. And any man who would question other people about his woman is not good. The condition under which he lives is not good either; you should not be going there and spending time with him under these conditions. He doesn't have any pride, but you should.

Pastor