My ex wants me to leave my new man

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old girl and I have a 19-year-old boyfriend. Both of us attended the same school and from I was 15, this boy loved me.

I didn't love him at first, but I got to love him and he cared for me. The other girls in school used to tell me that he loves me and I am the only girl that he loves.

He started to ask me for sex when I was 16 and I kept on telling him no, I am not ready, but whenever I am ready I will tell him.

Somebody went and told my grandmother that I have a boyfriend. She asked me and I told her the truth.

When my father came home, she told my father that he shouldn't waste his money on me because I have a man and the man will soon 'breed' me.

My father asked me what is that grandma was saying and I told him about the boy and he said, "Alright be careful, study your lesson".

Nobody on his side of the family went to college, so he would like to see me go to college. I told him, "Ok".

When I saw my boyfriend, I told him that I have to break the promise I made to have sex with him and he would have to wait for about five years. He told me that nobody would know if we had sex.

MOVIES

We went to the movies. My father was in Kingston and wasn't coming back that evening. My father took some people to the market.

When the movie was finished, my boyfriend kept asking me for sex and he even started crying and saying that he doesn't want any other girl but me.

We took a short cut to my house and it was dark and he held me and Pastor I dodn't even know what happened. He had me on my back in the grass. I knew I asked him if he had a condom and he said, "Yes".

While he was on me, we heard voices. People were passing by. They did not see us, but a few days after, it was on the street saying that I had sex in the bushes.

It got to my grandmother's ears and I denied it, but my grandmother said that she believed that it was true.

As soon as my father came home, she told him. He told her that he didn't believe that I would have sex in an open place like that.

Would you believe that it was my so-called boyfriend who talked? He told his best friend that we finally had sex and his friend spread it around.

SEX

His best friend is a dog, because he used to ask me for sex and I used to tell him no because I have my boyfriend already; that was the reason why he spread it around.

I broke up with my boyfriend for a year because, whatever we did, he did not keep his mouth. Now he wants me to forgive him. I don't know what to do because I got involved with another guy and this other guy is very good to me and he introduced me to his parents and both of us are in college.

We only had sex once and it was at his home in his bedroom when his parents were not around.

I cannot get my first boyfriend out of my mind, I really love him. Tell me what to do.

T.A.

Dear T.A.,

Evidently, you come from a family who loves you. You have not said anything about your mother, but you have mentioned your grandmother and your father.

Your father declared to you that he wants to be proud of you.

You were very brave to have sex in the open - in the bushes - and fortunate for you, those who passed by did not see you.

I can understand why you are angry with your boyfriend; he did not keep his side of the bargain. Perhaps he felt like he had to brag about getting the 'good stuff' from you. So he told his best friend that he had conquered you.

You considered his best friend a dog because he was always begging you for sex and you refused him. So he took vengeance by spreading it around that you had sex with his friend in the open.

What a terrible embarrassment it must have been for you. You were quite fortunate that your father did not believe the rumour.

I could never encourage you to go back to your former boyfriend. He is not someone in whom you can confide and trust.

You have moved on with your life. You have a new boyfriend and you are in college. You are having sex with him. I am not encouraging you to do so, but if you feel you do need to have sex, make sure to protect yourself.

Do not allow this man to have sex with you without using a condom. And remember, if you do not have sex, you won't die. I repeat. Do not have anything more to do with your former boyfriend.

Pastor