My family wants me to leave my man

Dear Pastor,

I am a 22-year-old medical student from Portland and I have been dating my boyfriend, 26, for six years.

When I first met him, I was sure that I was in love with him because he was so handsome and our personalities were a perfect match.

But now I am confused and depressed because my family and mentors keep telling me that he doesn't deserve me and I deserve a rich man.

I am from a low-income family (extended), but my mother is a single parent.

Pastor, my boyfriend has always been there for me; even throughout university, he made sure there was never a day when I needed anything.

When I was just starting university, he even contributed to my hall fees. He went on to take out a loan to open a store for me and left my mother in charge.

He has such a beautiful heart; he would prefer to leave himself destitute and buy everything for my comfort.

He has been working two jobs for over a year now just to be able to support me and make me happy. He is not rich, Pastor, but at least he is earning a steady salary as a police officer and he has plans to go back to school.

I never knew that someone could love another person as irrevocably as he has loved me over the years.

CHEATED

I admit that I wasn't the best girlfriend at times because I cheated on him four times, and he only cheated once because he was depressed about the way I lied and cheated.

Sometimes I think I should really just agree to be with a rich man because life would be easier and, frankly, everywhere I go rich men try to hit on me, but I show no interest. At other times, I feel like I should really stay with him because he tries so hard to make me happy.

I am not a very materialistic woman, but I like having nice things. A lot of my friends have rich men and sometimes I envy them, but at the same time I pity them because they will never find someone to love them the way he loves me, and that's priceless.

He keeps telling me that our future is secure because he has numerous investments that will mature by the time I graduate from medical school.

He even promised to buy me a car upon graduation. I am willing to wait, but right now I am so depressed, Pastor, because I don't want to disappoint my family or make the wrong decision.

SUPPORTIVE

I just wish my family would be more supportive of our relationship rather than point out all the flaws. They keep telling me that he isn't tall enough and his hair is "bad" and I am too beautiful and brilliant for him, but that's not what I see, Pastor.

I see someone who is my biggest supporter in every way. He encourages me to pursue my dreams of becoming a dental surgeon.

Last month he was able to buy a car for himself and I have faith that he will be successful in the future, even though he doesn't have a bachelor's degree as yet. Please, Pastor, give me your advice.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

As I read your letter, I wondered what type of investment this policeman has made that would make your future and his secure by the time you graduate.

I hate to knock this policeman, but he is talking nonsense. If he is working an honest bread in the police force and is trying his very best to save and invest, he needs to be commended for doing so, but he ought not try to fool you.

If you were to graduate in the next five years, this man would not have enough to give you what you want if he is earning a police salary.

It seems to me that this man loves you much more than you love him. The poor policeman is trying to treat you as a princess, but at the same time you have been giving other men your body, and you did it four times.

Your own relatives have taught you that money is what is important in a relationship. They have told you that you should look for a man who has wealth and they don't like this policeman because, evidently, he is not tall and handsome and his pocket is not long.

COMMENDED

He needs to be commended for helping you pay your tuition, but while he is trying his best, your heart is not on him only. So that tells me that what your relatives are saying about him, you agree with them.

Your behaviour shows that while you are grateful for the help you have gotten from this man, you would prefer a man of means. It is a pity he doesn't know that when a woman is so comfortable cheating, she is not going to stop easily.

Therefore, I urge you to tell the man the truth and do it as early as possible. I would love to be proved wrong; therefore, in the next three years you should write me back and let me know of the status of this relationship.

Pastor?