My babymother's son and I are the same age!

Dear Pastor,

How are you doing? I hope you're well so far. I've written to you before, but I am not sure if you remember me. I wrote to you while I was going to high school.

The first time was when I was in grade eight and having problems with my mom in the shop. The other time was when I graduated from high school and going to evening classes. I told you then that I wanted to join the JDF.

Well, guess what, Pastor? I went into training last year and I passed February of this year with the help of God. I'm so very thankful and grateful, Pastor. Thanks for the advice you gave me back then. Thank you very much.

Pastor, I'm going through a little difficulty now. I met a big woman in the election period. She is 42 years old. She has three kids. One is my age, 21, and going to university, and two younger ones.

She is a wonderful person - easy going, kind, peaceful, ambitious, independent, etc. She doesn't ask me for anything.

The problem is that I got her pregnant and my mom is behaving in a manner that isn't nice.

She is saying that I'm an idiot and a fool to let this woman put a baby on me to tie me down, and I should allow the woman to have an abortion or else I should not come through her gate, etc.

I really appreciate everything my mom did for me because my dad wasn't there for me. At first, I was going to encourage the woman to abort the pregnancy before anybody knew, but I couldn't find a doctor.

She is nine weeks' pregnant now and her family says she should keep it no matter what. Even if I don't want it, they'll keep it and support it.

Pastor, I really care for and appreciate her. Her family members that know me so far like me and treat me like a family member.

My mom is not someone I can sit and talk with about certain things.

ABORT THE PREGNANCY

One of my cousins, who is close to me, talked with me and said it's up to me. She doesn't think I should encourage my woman to abort the pregnancy because it's my first child and the lady may go through a lot of stress, and I should also keep the news of the pregnancy on a 'low'.

I'm willing to encourage my woman to carry the pregnancy, but I am not sure what to do. I wish I had someone I could sit and talk to, but I don't trust anybody to talk about certain things to.

I have a lot of plans. I want to buy a piece of land and build my own house. I am going through NHT. Can you shed some light on that for me as well, please?

D.J.

Dear D.J.,

I can see why your mother is very angry with you. She believes that what has happen to the woman could have been avoided.

As she sees it, you have not known this woman for a very long time. And she does not believe that the son that she loves very much should become intimate with a woman who is 42 years old and the mother of three children.

She believes that this woman has encouraged you into her life, not because she loves you, but because she sees you as a good catch and someone with whom she will receive many benefits.

Your mother believes that you could have been intimate with a much younger woman and that you have shamed her by getting sexually involved with this woman. And these are the reasons why she is urging you to encourage the woman to terminate the pregnancy.

I don't agree with what she is encouraging you to do. I hope that this woman will carry the pregnancy.

You have not said how she has responded - whether she wants to carry the pregnancy or not. You seem to believe that indeed, you got her pregnant. I hope that you are correct.

However, I would suggest that if this woman is insisting that you are responsible for her pregnancy, then after she has given birth, you should do a DNA test to ascertain whether you are the biological father.

Do not encourage the woman to have an abortion. You are looking forward to purchasing a piece of property and you would need help. You can look in the directory and call NHT and they will advise you.

Pastor