I got my girlfriend's friend pregnant

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you and I hope you can help me.

I am at university and I am having a little problem. I have another year before I graduate.

Since I have been living in Jamaica I have fallen in love with a girl here. I am in trouble because I got involved with another girl and she's a friend of my girlfriend.

We went out partying and things got out of control, and we had sex. It may sound stupid to you, but this was not supposed to happen.

We had too much to drink and now she is pregnant. She did not wait on me to tell my girlfriend what happened. As soon as it was confirmed that she was pregnant, she told my girlfriend what happened and that I was the one who did it.

I cannot even concentrate. My girlfriend doesn't want to see me. She is not eating. She tells me that I am a wicked deceiver. This young woman who is pregnant is planning to do an abortion.

I asked her why she told my girlfriend that we had sex if she was planning to do an abortion. She said that she did not think that my girlfriend would take it that hard.

FIVE YEARS MY SENIOR

I have no money to give her, but at the same time I am not ready for fatherhood. I feel messed up. I have disappointed the one I love. This young lady who is pregnant is five years my senior.

My girlfriend is a Christian, but the one who is pregnant is not.

My girlfriend and I use to communicate every day, but now she will not speak to me.

Before she mentioned abortion, she said that I should go with her to see her parents for us to discuss it and if I decide to marry her, her parents would accept me.

I do not want to get married to her and I am not ready for marriage. The person I would love to marry is my girlfriend.

I didn't want this to happen, but this girl is pushing me to leave my girlfriend and accept what has happened.

Pastor, please help me to make a decision.

G.L.

Dear G.L.,

I cannot encourage you to end the relationship with your girlfriend. I know that you have been very careless.

Many times young people go together, but they go out and party, drink, smoke and engage in illicit sex, and things go wrong.

Girls go with men that they would not have gone with if they were sober.

You have your girlfriend and she was not with you the night you were partying. Her friend was there and both of you had unprotected sex.

I have no doubt in my mind that this girl is not sorry that she is pregnant. She is not behaving as if she is sorry. She is hoping that the pregnancy would cause you to agree to marry her.

She doesn't care whether or not you love her; neither is she concerned about the commitment you made to your girlfriend.

Your girlfriend, on the other hand, is devastated. It is difficult for her to accept that you were sexually involved with her friend.

WILLFULLY ENGAGED IN SEX

She might even believe that you willfully engaged in sex. That's why she is not talking to you. She believes that you have shamed her because her friends know that both of you have a committed relationship.

What you engaged in was a one-night stand and it has resulted in this woman becoming pregnant.

I would not encourage you to get married to the woman. You don't love her. Marriage is a big step and it is too sacred to be taken lightly.

The young woman is suggesting that you should meet with her parents. Whether you must go is up to you. You should not commit yourself to marrying her.

Tell your parents that you have got this young lady pregnant and you are asking them to help you support the child.

Assure your girlfriend of your love for her. Call her just about every day, even if she does not answer the phone; leave voicemail messages and assure her that the love you have for her has not changed.

Pastor