My man has another woman living at his house

Dear Pastor,

I hope this letter reaches you in good health. I am a 21-year-old female who is faced with a dilemma.

I've had my boyfriend since I was 16 years old. We've had our ups and downs like any normal couple.

I cheated on him in 2014, but it was just a one-night stand. I'm not proud of it, but it happened.

We broke up, but we got back together last year. Since then, my mother has completely changed. She now hates him and she doesn't want me to talk to him.

He's a respectable guy with manners and he takes good care of me, but all my mother sees is that he left me and now he's back to ruin my life.

Our recent argument was about something that made me feel uncomfortable.

Well, he lives in his grandparents' house. It's a nice house with a lot of bedrooms and his grandparents are overseas, so you can say he "controls" the house.

Anyway, he took in a girl he knew to stay with him because she and her family (I think) have nowhere to live right now.

I was supposed to go his house for a sleepover the same time he took in the girl. That never happened, and the girl is still over there with him.

I have called many times and get no answer. Once I called and the girl answered his phone. I really wanted to speak to him, but I never got to do so.

I feel this girl is a mischief maker because she messaged me on Facebook and told me that my boyfriend didn't want me and how he ignored my calls and that I should leave her man alone.

Eventually, he replied to my texts, and I asked him about it, and he told me to ignore her. I did, but she doesn't leave me alone. She's always sending me some dirty message.

My boyfriend again told me to ignore her and that he loved me and he would never leave me. So out of frustration, I told my mom and she drew her own conclusions about what was really taking place.

He didn't like it, and now I don't even know if we are in a relationship anymore. He told me that I shouldn't always go to my mother and that I should have just trusted him and stop overreacting.

PROBLEM LIES WITH ME

Well, right now, I don't know what to do. I think the problem lies with me, and I would like to know how I can learn to trust him and stop overreacting to everything and how I can depend on myself and not rely on my mom because it seems like she doesn't know anything.

I am willing to come to counselling if that would help. I await your response.

M.D.

Dear M.D.,

You should not be blaming yourself. This young man is not telling you the truth. He has taken in a young woman, and I am sure they are not just holding hands and not doing anything.

Common sense should tell you that he has not just given this young woman shelter. She has been there for a long time, and he has not told her to go. He would not because he knows that she is his girl, so to speak. And that is why the young woman is bold enough to tell you to leave her man alone.

Surely, you are smart enough not to believe the nonsense he is talking. You said you cheated once. Did you admit that to this man? If you did, he will never trust you again. And if you were to fuss with him because of this girl who is staying with him, he will tell you to your face that you should keep quiet because you went and gave away the precious stuff to another man.

This man doesn't want you in the house because the other girl is there, and he makes her feel that she is his woman and she is number one in his life.

Therefore, I must say to you, dry your tears, pull yourself together (which will not be easy), and consider this relationship dead.

The guy is very disrespectful. Stop begging him for friendship. It does not appear that you have a future with him at all. Your mother is correct. He is a snake.

Pastor