Gave my man ‘bun’ with a customer

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 and I am having sleepless nights. I have been living with a man for five years and we have one child together.

I do not have a steady job, but I can't say that this man has not helped me. He had the opportunity to go abroad, so he went.

He promised that he would only do the two weeks and come back.

I did not object to him leaving because he is a hard worker and he needed the break. Then I heard from him and the news was not good.

He said his relatives were telling him that he should stay and work and help himself. I told him that he should make up his own mind.

I am helping myself by raising chickens. He continued to send me money, but he said things were hard and his relatives wanted him to pay rent.

I have regular customers who buy chickens from me. Things became so hard with me that I got involved with one of them.

Nobody would have known anything, but this guy couldn't keep his mouth and told men in the community that we had sex.

The news spread all over the place, and I felt so embarrassed.

He told me that he never said that to anybody. But even my boyfriend's grandmother called me and told me what she heard.

I told my babyfather what people were saying about me, but I told him that it was not true.

The man who had sex with me continued to buy chickens from me. I told him that I didn't want him around anymore, but that has not stopped him.

He said whatever happened between us is in the open already, so we might as well continue.

My child's father said he would support his child, but when he comes back to Jamaica, he would not stay with me because I have disappointed him.

But I have not admitted that I had sex with this guy.

Having sex with this man is a regular thing because he is helping me to buy feed and whatever else I want; he helps me.

Should I admit it to my child's father that I am having an affair with this man?

L.P.

Dear L.P.,

You would have to make your own decision. You thought that your customer was a gentleman and that you could have trusted him.

But perhaps he was so proud to be called a 'bunna man' that he had to go and brag that he was having sex with another man's woman.

I am not prepa red to tell you to tell your child's father about this man, because I don't know what your child's father is likely to do when he returns to Jamaica.

That is a decision you will have to make on your own.

I wish you were in a position to expand your business and buy the chicken feed on your own and not rely on this man who talks too much.

Don't give up. Keep pressing on. Your child's father is not going to blame himself for anything. He is going to say that you could have remained faithful to him until he returns.

Right now, this new guy seems to have taken over your life. Just be careful what you do.

You did not say how old is your child, but remember, if your child is old enough to understand, he or she will tell his or her dad what they have seen.

Pastor