Afraid to get married

Dear Pastor,

I am asking you for help. I have four children. They are all big. I used to run around and I got these children with four different women.

My father had 12 children, but before he died, he told me to stop chasing women because I can't finish them.

One night I had a dream about a girl I used to fool around with, so when I woke up the following day, I tried to find her and I told her that I had dreamt about her.

She told me that she was a Christian now, so she doesn't go to parties anymore. She invited me to church. I went and I am still there with her but she is only 29, and I didn't want someone so young.

She wants us to get married. She has two children. They are living with her mother in the country.

I am leading her down the wrong path because she is off on weekends so she comes to stay with me at my home and we have sex. Then she asks me when are we going to get married.

I told her she was too young for me. She asked me how come she was not too young for me to have sex with her, but too young for me to marry her.

I listen to your show on the radio and I hear people saying that older men shouldn't marry young girls because these young girls will give them 'bun'. That is why I am scared.

When she comes to the house, she does everything for me. My father gave me a piece of land, so I am building a three-bedroom house. I want to settle down and I love her.

She is not seeing the father of her children. I want you to tell me whether you think she would be faithful to me. I will be looking in THE STAR every day for your answer.

H.D.

Dear H.D.,

I will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. I don't know your woman and I don't know you. But what I do know is what keeps people together regardless of age is love.

When a woman loves a man, he could be twice or thrice her age, she would be faithful to him and not cheat.

If she doesn't love him, and is only with him for his money or whatever she can get out of him, she would bun him, any hour of the day or night.

What I am trying to say, sir, is if this 29-year-old woman is genuine and she truly loves you, you don't have to fret that she would cheat.

But having said the above, one must always remember that some people get married for different reasons and if it is purely for sex, when the sex is not as good as before, the marriage will fail.

If the two of you love each other, make an appointment with a family counsellor and discuss the matter.

Pastor