Entertainer’s wife pregnant and unhappy

Dear Pastor,

I need your help. I don't know if I am doing too much or I am a fool. I am pregnant and married to an entertainer. I try my best to be a good wife. I make sure my husband has hot home-cooked meal when he comes home, and I make sure his clothes are clean, the house is well done, and even serve him like a king at the table. I even wait sometimes for us to eat dinner together.

I am not the best wife, but I am trying my best to be a supportive wife. He can be so thankful and very loving at times, but at other times, he is a different person I am living with. I can't talk to him. He trips off very easily and tells me that I must look a next life because I am with the wrong person.

There are times when he is loving. He takes me places, buys me nice things, and the sex is so great that I often forget how he is pushing me away and making me feel like I am not at his level.

called me cheap

I am a contended person. I always like to save a dollar, but he makes me feel bad sometimes. He even called me cheap. I know I can be miserable at times by accusing him, but I think that is how women are.

Women love to talk. Our mouth is our weapon. I don't know if it's the pregnancy that is causing me to be this way, but his words to me at times make me feel low and scared. He goes away and leaves me with this pregnancy at times for weeks. So when he tells me that he feels like running away and leave me because he can't see the other side of this, I am alarmed. He says I must find myself another man.

I know all this is not good for the baby, and that it can throw me into premature labour. To me, it feels like our marriage is failing and falling apart. I am trying to hold my relationship together for the sake of the baby, by the grace of God.

Am I a fool for him, or is it the sex that I enjoy so much? Please, help me.

P

Dear P,

I do not believe that your husband means some of the things that he says to you. He knows that you are a very good woman and that you are doing your best to please him. You are a good wife. And you should not allow the things he says to make you depressed. Some of what he is saying is nothing but foolishness.

He does not mean that you should find another man. He could not even deal with that well if you were to leave. You know, some people say that sometimes folks run their mouth, and that is what your man is doing - just running his mouth and talking nonsense. He is out of order to call you cheap. He should never insult you.

On the other hand, you ought to watch what you say. You should not use the excuse that women just talk things because their mouth is their strength.

Let me be frank. Every couple, from time to time, might offend each other by the things they say to each other. But even when they offend each other, they should be willing to apologise for what they said or what they have done. So, again I say, you should be careful not to offend him. He has lots of faults, and so do you. But when people love each other, they don't always point out the faults of their partners. They try their best to live in peace.

This man is under pressure and you must recognise that. But you are suffering, too. You have mood swings from time to time. Therefore, I would suggest that when he is upset about a matter, you should remember to keep calm and not use your mouth as a weapon. If you find that it is hard to deal with the situation, tell your husband that both of you should go and see a family counsellor because you are not happy.

Pastor