Spouse bad-mouthing my sister

Dear Pastor,

A pleasant good afternoon to you. May the Lord continue to bless and keep you. I am one of your biggest supporters. I read all your columns and I listen to your show.

I am in my 20s. I am currently attending a university. I am employed. I work during the day and I go to school at nights.

I have been in a relationship for more than six years now and presently we are living together. My siblings have been living with us.

More arguments

The rent and all the bills are split in half between my spouse and my brother. Pastor, I realise that since my siblings moved in, my spouse and I have started to have many more arguments.

I have concluded that it was because it wasn't our home and my siblings were living with us.

My spouse is very caring. I remember when we didn't have anything and we worked so hard together. We literally would plan out our salaries together.

I informed him that I wanted to go back to college and he gave me his support. We are just a team. This man has encouraged me in everything I do.

Pastor, to tell you the truth, I don't know where I would be without this man. He is, you know the term, 'my ride-or-die guy'.

He is very hard-working; he will work until his fingers drop off. Over the years, we have grown together and built ourselves the best way we can.

I thought the world of him, but the last argument we had, which was also about family, he physically abused me. This was the first time he had done anything like that.

We did not talk for almost three weeks, although we live in the same house. A couple of weeks after the argument, he told me he always had a problem with my sister living with us.

He said things about my sister that shocked me. I did not expect that from him.

Pastor, this man shattered my heart when he told me this. I cried, because I trusted him. He went on his knees and cried and begged me to forgive him.

We talked, but it's just not the same. I can hardly express how I feel to you. There is a lot more to the story, but I have tried to give you a summary.

I need your advice. What should I do, Pastor? We were also engaged once.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

You would observe that I have deleted certain details that you have given to me. I would not want to embarrass you in any way.

I cannot be sure that this man is speaking the truth about your sister. Perhaps he is saying certain things because he has come to dislike her.

He cannot be trusted. You should never trust him again.

Having said the above, I appreciate the fact that you have said some good things about him. I am not sure, however, if this relationship will work.

I believe that you have outgrown him, and I would ask you to seriously consider ending the relationship with this man. I will stop here. You can write to me again if you care to do so.

Pastor