Niece and I are pregnant for the same man

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I listen to you every night. Sometimes I try to call but it is very hard to get through to you. I have been living with a man for 10 years.

We have three children. I went to live with him after I got pregnant with my first child. It was my biggest mistake because he was married and he left his wife and told me it was over between them.

Friends told me that they used to see his car at the wife's house. So they were still together. He tried to convince me that he was only going there to see his child.

Now after being with me for 10 years, and I am pregnant again, he has got my niece pregnant, too, and is telling me that it was a mistake.

I suspected that they were having an affair and I warned her about him, but she told me nothing like that.

I took her from the rural areas so that she could go to school. Now this man is telling me that it was a mistake and I shouldn't tell anybody that they had an affair.

still going to school

Think about it, I am pregnant by him and my niece is also pregnant by this man. I don't know where she is living, but I know she is still going to school because I checked that out.

Every time she hears my voice on the phone, she hangs up. She doesn't want anybody to know that it was my husband who got her pregnant.

Why should I keep this as a secret?

R.K.

Dear R.K.,

When you suspected that your children's father and your niece were having an affair, you should have sent her back to rural Jamaica. She was not behaving herself.

She was having a sexual relationship under your nose with a man who doesn't have good morals.

Both of them have disgraced themselves and have embarrassed you. I can imagine how difficult it is for you.

This man is a blatant liar. He was not getting along with his wife, but at the same time he was always visiting her. He said he was going there because of his child.

But you have good reasons to believe that it was more than that. For 10 years this man lived with you and you allowed yourself to get pregnant by him.

You haven't said whether he has divorced his wife. Then you made a big mistake by allowing your niece to stay at the house.

Perhaps you didn't realise that you were 'putting butter in puss mouth.'

I am really sorry for you. I would ask you to try and keep calm. Make an appointment to see a family counsellor who would work with you so that you can maintain your sanity.

For this man to tell you it was a mistake to get your niece pregnant is to tell you that you should accept that he had sex with her.

I hope you are employed and don't have to depend on this man. On the other hand, please don't hate your niece.

Remember, this man is your children's father, so hating him would not do you any good either.

Whether or not you should continue to live with this man is a decision you would have to make soon.

Pastor