My boyfriend is literally making me sick

Dear Pastor,

I'm living in Trinidad, but I have already made arrangements to move out this month and go back on my own and leave my man.

Now he is asking if he can pay me for every time we have appointments at immigration. Does he deserve my compassion?

His mother has stopped speaking to me since I called her and told her that I could no longer deal with his insults and disrespect. She resides in England.

The thing is, pastor, so many women are getting killed by their spouses here in Trinidad for wanting to leave.

I do not feel threatened physically, but he sometimes scares me with his words. As I said, we have not had sex since last year.

Sex is out of the question now and he is asking if I can't just help out a person in need. He also reminds me that I have sons.

Pastor, my sons are doing well. My eldest is a teacher and the youngest is finishing his bachelor's at the University of the West Indies. I am so overwhelmed right now.

In one way, I am feeling sorry for him and in another way, I know I must run and leave fast. He told me last night not to report him to immigration; he just wants a chance to live.

That made me feel sorry for him. I know he didn't have a chance; he is one of the 'barrel baby' children. His mother left him when he was small to go to England and she didn't come back.

She married in England to gain citizenship and she and the husband are still married though they live in separate homes. I am wondering if this is what he wants from me.

I asked him many times before we got married if this was just for papers and he kept saying no, and that he loves me.

I even took in his cousin from Jamaica who came to work for six months. I did so much for this boy and he disappointed me so bad. I am so ill.

I am a survivor of ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy. Lately, I have been fainting and having panic attacks. Please pray for me.

He has a spiritual father in Jamaica who he consults with regularly and he is always scaring me by saying his father is so powerful. I feel like I am living in a nightmare. Help me.

J.A.

Dear J.A,

Don't allow this man to destroy your life. What I mean is, if you fret about him, you would die soon. Stress would kill you. At your age, you should be happy.

I don't have to tell you what to do about Immigration and this man. You should know what to do. Make sure you don't lie to Immigration. If you do, it would always be on your conscience. You say you feel sorry for this man, but how does he feel about you? It is evident that he is using you. Be careful what you do with your life. I will be praying for you.

Pastor