Girlfriend laughed at me because I am a virgin

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and my girlfriend is 17. Both of us are in school. I love her very much. She told me that she is not a virgin. I told her that I am a virgin, and she laughed and said that I am not a man if I am a virgin at 18. She lost her virginity when she was 16 years old. She said her older sister told her that she was dying to have sex and when she was 16 years old, her boyfriend and herself had sex. Since then, she felt that she was a big woman.

I am a Christian and we have counselling sessions in our church often. Our leader told us that as men, we should try to remain pure and not engage in sex. He also told us that we should try and keep ourselves, and when we are ready to get married, we should marry young women who are pure.

Since my girlfriend told me that I am not a man if I never had sex and I am 18 years old, it is bothering me. I asked her what about the man who took her virginity and she said he is still around. The relationship that they had only lasted for a year.

It is not money why she was having sex with this guy. Her parents support her in school. She wanted to know how sex felt because her friends were engaging in it and telling her it is nice. Every night I go to bed, I think about what she told me. I don't know what to do.

O.D.

Dear O.D.,

Don't listen to what this girl has told you about not being a man if you are 18 and still a virgin. What she is trying to tell you is that she wants both of you to have sex. So it is time for you to give up your virginity, so to speak, because you have an old-time way of thinking.

I would not be surprised that she has told her girlfriends that you don't have any sense. I would not encourage you to continue to think of her as someone special in your life. You should think of her as a friend but not a special friend, because any opportunity she gets to have sex, she will.

I am glad that you are attending church and that you are endeavouring to serve the Lord. Continue to do so, and don't allow this woman to lead you astray.

Pastor