My husband and sister are too ‘close’

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I have a sister. We used to get along well and we used to share house together, but I got married and went to live with my husband.

I suspected something was going on with my sister and my husband because often after leaving work, he would stop by her before coming home.

Sometimes when I asked him why he was coming home so late, he would say that he stopped by my sister. I told him that I did not like what he was doing.

He said that I was accusing him of having an affair with her. I told him I was not doing that, but I think he should learn to come home and then both of us could go and visit my sister.

To my surprise, my husband told my sister what I said and that has brought a big fuss with my sister and myself.

She cursed me and told me that if she wanted my husband, she could have got him but she was never interested in him.

I felt hurt because my sister and I have never had a major argument and we shouldn't be arguing over my husband.

Pastor, my sister has a boyfriend and he lives abroad and I told him that my husband was always checking her out. Now her boyfriend is questioning whether she had sex with my husband. My sister said that my husband has never put question to her, but I'm not sure if her boyfriend believes her. I am so confused.

My sister said she had no sexual feelings for my husband. I didn't expect my sister to be having my husband visiting her so often.

Now it has caused a problem between her boyfriend and herself. What should I do?

T.B.

Dear T.B.,

You know that you are not accusing your sister of having sex with your husband. But you were worried why your husband would visit her every evening on his way home from work.

You were only suggesting that he should come straight home after leaving work. When you spoke to your husband and told him that you did not like his frequent visits to your sister, he should not have said that to her.

He could have kept that between the both of you. But after saying that to him, you should not have complained to her boyfriend.

You have embarrassed your sister and you have now caused her boyfriend to question her loyalty and her faithfulness to him. That is so very sad.

Although it would be hard for you to be as close to your sister as before, try your best not to hate her. Both of you are sisters.

You are a very jealous woman and it is because of jealousy why you have made a complaint to her boyfriend.

Pastor