Nobody loves me

Dear Pastor,

From a young age, I have always been neglected by people around me. My mother left me by myself for a whole week when I was just four.

I went to live with my grandmother after that week and she was abusive. I then finished high school and went to live with my cousins, but the life they live was not my type of life.

All they wanted to do was party and have men taking care of them, and I believed in working hard.

During that time, I was happy, but something was missing. I felt like they only accepted me if I agreed to party or date men for things. My dad wasn't really a part of my life.

He lives overseas and only visits. He came around the same time I was living with my cousins and offered to send me back to school.

I accepted and went to live with his cousin. I was happy there as well, but still something was missing; I felt out of place.

I went to school for about a year but stopped because I found out that things weren't looking up for me. I was always depressed because I had no one to talk to about things that were happening in my life.

I had reconnected with my mother and eventually went to live with her. By that time I was 20. I started working and things were OK but I was still missing something. I wanted answers.

I felt like my mother took me in because I was working and I could help out around the house. She didn't show me that she really wanted me around. I couldn't get my relatives to accept me, so I turned to strangers.

Things have been falling apart worse since then. I am now living with this guy. I would do every and anything to make him love me even half as much as I love him.

TWICE MY AGE

He is twice my age. I only date older guys. He thinks that I lie and cheat on him because my phone doesn't ring as often and I don't go anywhere. When I do, it's just work then back home.

The thing is, I don't blame him because that's the person I was. I didn't stay with one guy for too long and I could cut off a guy as fast as I started talking to him and I would feel no remorse. It's like I am numb. I want him to see that this time is different. I am not that person anymore, but he doesn't believe in me.

I love people but nobody loves me back. I want to go back to school while I work and get a place to stay by myself.

I always wanted to be a model but I have low self-esteem, so that is one dream that will never be fulfilled. I need someone to talk to. This is not half my story.

I don't know how to express myself vocally, but I can write how I feel. I don't know if you will get my message but please, if you do, respond. I need somebody to talk to.

R.S.

Dear R.S.,

I want you to know that you have expressed yourself very well. You can still be what you want to be. You are trying to seek happiness in the wrong places.

But you have ambition and with some help, you can make a good contribution to society. You need help to deal with your depression, and that help you can receive.

Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. They have not taken good care of you. You have been trying to find happiness. But happiness is not necessarily found by living with a man.

I am going to refer you to a family counsellor. She would be happy to counsel you. So, you would hear from me very soon again. Please, don't give up on life.

You say you have low self-esteem, but that can be improved. In the meantime, be positive about the future. I will be praying for you. I repeat, you will hear from me very soon.

Pastor