Stepdaughter’s mom ruining my marriage

Dear Pastor,

I am married and my husband has a 16-year-old daughter. We got married when she was 14. She would come and spend time with us.

I like her, but I did not know that she would tell her mother everything that happens between my husband and myself.

Her mother also asks my husband about these things. So, I told her father that I did not want the girl back at my house.

He told me that I can't stop her from coming. I did not say anything. I thought my husband would have spoken to his child, but he didn't.

Last Christmas, he wanted her to spend the time with us and I objected. But he picked up the girl and brought her here, and I was so angry.

I served his dinner and when he came to bed, I turned my back on him. I told him that I was not going to provide anything for her.

I have a son (not my husband's child) and my husband told me that if his daughter couldn't be at the house, then my son couldn't come either.

On Christmas Day, I did not stay at the house. I went to stay with friends. When I went back home on Boxing Day, my husband had my belongings packed in a suitcase and cardboard box.

I told him that he seemed to want his daughter as his wife. That hurt him and I am sorry for saying that. I know I should not have said that but I wanted to hurt his feelings.

My husband took his daughter to his sister's home and she spent the rest of the Christmas with them.

Her mother called me and cursed me, and I have apologised to my husband many times because I know that I did not handle the situation well.

I have noticed that my husband has got closer to the girl's mother. I don't know if they are going to bed.

There was a time if I touched my husband, he would be ready to make love to me, but that is not happening again.

These days I have to beg him to spend some time with me in the bed, and he is only doing so as if it is his duty.

I have tried to be very nice but my husband likes to hold things against me. I want to know what I can do.

E.S.

Dear E.S.,

I believe that your stepdaughter took news to her mother about the type of relationship her father was having with you. It is not unusual for stepchildren to do that.

I don't think she meant any harm, but her mother was wrong in divulging the information. She should have known that was not something for her to say to your husband.

She should have known that whatever her daughter told her, she should not have told your husband; but your attitude was wrong .

You should not have objected to your husband bringing his daughter back to the house. Christmas is a very important time for the family together.

Therefore, it was wrong for you to leave the house and spend the time elsewhere. You should have stayed there and enjoy the day with everybody.

As for the things you said about your husband and his daughter, it is going to take a long time for him to forgive you. Of course, he will not forget about what you said and what you did.

You have started to believe that your husband and his daughter's mother might be having an affair.

Perhaps nothing is going on but his attitude towards you is not the same. On the other hand, any card can play.

This woman knows that you and your husband are not having a good relationship and she might be trying her best to work her way in again.

But I want to be careful what I say because I don't know what is happening between them, and neither do you.

Try your very best to live in peace with your husband and be very careful what you say.

Don't allow your marriage to break up because of what your stepdaughter might have said to her mother.

You should respect your husband so much that you shouldn't say dirty things about him and his daughter. Remember, you are a grown woman, watch what you say and do.

Pastor