Stranger says I am his daughter

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your help. I am 17 years old. I will be 18 in July. I have done very well in school. My parents are very proud of me. I am their only child. When I was about 14 years old, I was purchasing an item in a supermarket and a man came up to me and asked me my name. I gave him my full name and he said to me that the last name is not correct. I told him that I know my name so how could he say that it is not correct.

He said to me, "When you go home, tell your mother that you met so and so." And then he wrote his number and gave it to me to give my mother.

I took the number and gave it to my mother, and she was very surprise when I told her what happened. And she said, "That man can cause trouble for me." When I asked her what she meant, she said it was not time for her to explain that to me. Before I gave my mother the number, I wrote it down in one of my notebook. One day I called the number and the man answered. He was excited to hear from me. I told him I did not want my mother to know that I called him, but I would like him to explain who he is.

He told me that he is my father, but my mother gave me to another man. That is the man my mother married. He told me I should not let my mother know that he told me. But he would like my name to be changed because he has never fathered another child. He has brothers and sisters in Jamaica, but he is living in Pennsylvania, USA. He is married, but he doesn't have children and he would like me to inherit some of what he has.

For a few days, I could not concentrate on my schoolwork. I asked him how he was able to walk up to me and asked me my name. He said he had told his brothers and sisters that my mother and he had a good thing going and he got her pregnant. So, they knew me. And when I was in the supermarket, his sister was there also and pointed me out to him.

I don't know this man, but from my mother's reaction, something went on between this man and herself. The man I know to be my father loves me to death. He has treated me so well and I respect him. I could never abandon him.

The man who claims to be my father gave me his American number, but I have not called him. I plan to ask my mother to tell me the truth about my father. My mother and I get along very well. But I am afraid to ask her. So, I write to ask you what I should do. Please don't disappoint me. I will be looking in THE STAR for your answer every day.

G.L.

Dear G.L.,

I thank you for your letter. You are indeed a very intelligent young lady, and I believe that you are going to do well in whatever career you have chosen. I want you to always be grateful to your parents for taking good care of you.

Concerning this man you met, and who eventually told you that you are his daughter, I hope that he would not cause problems with your mother and her husband. He said that your mother and he had a relationship and he got her pregnant, but you were not registered in his name. Your mother told you that the time was not right for her to explain anything to you.

I believe that now that this man is claiming you, so to speak, and he has approached you and declared himself to be your father, it is time for you to sit with your mother quietly and privately discuss the matter. I would suggest that you do so after your 18th birthday. Tell her that regardless what has happened, you will always love her and respect her.

NUMBER ONE FATHER

Also, that the man you have considered to be your father will always be looked upon by you as your father; nothing can change that. And even if you were to do a DNA test, and the DNA test proved that this man who is living in the USA is indeed your biological father, your mother's husband will always be your number one father, because he has shown you love and he has supported you from you were born.

Assure your mother that you will never disrespect the man you know as daddy.

I hope that your mother will tell you the truth. As to whether she wants to discuss that with her husband is another matter. Frankly, I see no reason why she should. She has had a wonderful life with the man she married. She does not need to rock the boat, and she should tell this other man who wants your name to be changed to back off. That is the way I see it right now. Of course, that does not mean that he shouldn't leave part of his inheritance to you; that will be solely up to him. However, that should not disrupt your mother's life.

Pastor