My boyfriend got two cousins pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I have been having a relationship with a young man for the past six years. Out of all the other men I have been with, I would say he is the best. He shows me love and he is very ambitious, and that is what I like about him.

In the first year of our relationship, he got one of his babymothers pregnant again. This girl is his first babymother's cousin. I felt hurt, because I asked him about her a few times and he told me that he would never sleep with her again.

He's been abroad for the past three years working. So our relationship is long-distance.

Around the end of last year, we started having problems. I must say that I contributed a lot to that. I was sending a message to someone and it went to his phone. He was asking lots of questions and I just told him the truth.

He told me our relationship was over. However, I tried working things out with him because I knew I was wrong. Not only that, I love this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

When he got this woman pregnant, he also gave me an infection. I did not even hear about the pregnancy from his mouth. It was his friend who told me, and all he could say is that he wanted to tell me but did not know how to do so.

Now he has turned around and used what I did against me, and he is not even speaking to me. Please give me some advice because I do not want to lose this man.

P.

Dear P.,

You say that this man is the best man you have ever had. Then what a poor choice of men you have made! This man was never true to you. Even in his cheating he did not maintain a high standard. He was having sex with his babymother's cousin.

He did not even have respect for his child's mother. He has no standards at all. You know he is a player and yet you did not even protect yourself whenever you were having sexual intercourse with him.

That is why you ended up with an STI. I do not wish to be hard on you, but you have to admit that you are careless, too.

It is not a matter of this man having done some wrongs so he should forgive you for what you have done also. You are old enough to know that some men believe they can play around with many women, but their main women should always be squeaky-clean and loyal to them only.

So if you cheated, he is not likely to accept what you have done as 'no big thing'. He is going to hold that against you.

Frankly, I believe that you are wasting your time trying to hold on to this relationship. This man will never trust you as before, even if you are willing to forgive him for all the wrong things he has done. I am trying to tell you to move on.

Pastor