Boyfriend’s babymother is pregnant again

Dear Pastor,

I have a boyfriend who is twice my age; I am 20 and he is 41. Some of my friends tell me that he is too old for me, but he has never hit me and some of my friends have been beaten by their boyfriends. They live as if they are in bondage.

When I was in high school, he told me about his babymother. I knew her but she did not know me. I loved him for many reasons, but one of them was because he did not disrespect her.

I could not call him after 8 p.m. If I needed to talk to him, I had to text him because he is a taxi driver and he does not work late, and he would go home to be with his babymother and their child.

This man paid for all my subjects and for my graduation gown and pictures. He even came to my graduation. He bought me a lovely pair of earrings for my graduation and I cherish them. This man has never had sex with me without using the condom. Two of the girls who graduated with me got pregnant and the both of them told me that it was on their graduation night that they conceived. The guys were in their early 20s and did not care.

I am now in university and it is this man who is helping me. But I have a problem. His babymother is now pregnant again and she said that she wants to get married before she gives birth. When he was telling me about it, he started to cry.

I asked him why he was crying and he said it was because he let me down. He did not want to have another child with his babymother. He was hoping to leave her and marry me after I graduated because she does not have any ambition.

I NEED THIS MAN

He has bought another car and is planning to use it as a taxi so that he can continue to support me in school. I need the money, Pastor, but it is not just the money; I need this man.

I have never felt like cheating on him but he always asks me if I plan to leave him after I graduate. My parents know him. My parents are not married but I would love to get married. I am asking you kindly for your advice.

F.G.

Dear F.G.,

I believe that this guy is genuine. He could have lied to you when you became intimate but he told you the truth. He told you about his babymother. He gave you the opportunity to say you were not interested, but you did not.

I know that some people will criticise you but this relationship cannot continue. It has to come to an end. Just think about it, the man is living with this woman who is pregnant with their second child.

If any woman deserves to have him, it would be her. They are living together and she takes care of him and their child.

I can imagine that she has had to make sacrifices that have helped him to do well as a taxi driver. This woman has kept the taxi driver healthy. Apart from going to bed with him, you have not done anything for him.

Had it not been for you, he would have had more money. So I am suggesting that you stop being selfish and encourage him to get married to his child's mother.

You have to tell the man as early as possible that you appreciate all that he has done for you. But tell him that you are encouraging him to consider his future with his babymother, child, and unborn child, and that he should settle down and marry her.

It is likely that he will say that you have plans and that you are looking elsewhere.

You have to be honest and say that you are not looking now, but the day will come when you will have to consider having another man in your life, and that man will have to be just as kind and loving as he is.

So tell him that you are begging him to release you and set you free, and you will try to get a student loan to continue your studies.

Pastor