Boyfriend getting married to another woman

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I always read your column. After leaving university in Jamaica, I came to the US. I got involved with a man from Jamaica. He promised that we would get married but he was always running around with friends.

I suspected that he was dabbling in drugs; he denied it. But whenever his phone rang, he would go to the side to answer it. He was always telling the callers where he would meet them.

I did not know many of his friends but I know one of his sisters. Whenever I talked about him, she would always warn me and tell me to be careful. I asked her several times why I should be careful but she never said anything more.

He told me that he never had children. But he wanted us to get married because I insisted that I would not get pregnant until after we got married.

The only time he turned off his phone was when we were making love. I have never tried to go through his phone. I have never had the chance, because even when he went to the bathroom, he took his phone with him.

A friend in Jamaica told me recently that one of her friends told her that my boyfriend has a girlfriend in Jamaica.

She also said he is planning to marry her and they have even planned the date. I told her I did not believe that because he has proposed to me.

I asked my boyfriend whether he is in love with a girl in Jamaica. I mentioned the girl's name and he seemed surprised, but said that anything he does with her would be to assist her to get her a visa.

He said she asked him to marry her and he is wondering whether he should do so. I told him that was not something he should be thinking about. What about our plans to get married? He said I get worried about things easily and I shouldn't.

Pastor, from the time he told me that, he has not come back to see me or call me. So I called him and all I am getting is promises that he will come and see me.

I started to believe what I heard so I packed the few things he had at my apartment and kept them in a bag.

This man really has a girlfriend in Jamaica and was fooling me and he got me to love him. I had other guys who proposed to me.

I turned them down because I wanted to marry a Jamaican man. You know how some of our Jamaican girls are, we want a man from 'yaad'.

This man was my heartbeat and I am left depressed.

C.T.

Dear C.T.,

Don't beat yourself. You have only been fooled by a wicked and deceitful liar. He made you believe that he loved you. You knew that you loved him but he totally deceived you.

Perhaps one may say that you have read tea leaves and what I mean is that, when you observed that whenever this man always had his phone with him, it was never off unless both of you were making love.

Perhaps you should have questioned him about that; there was something he was hiding.

But I don't want to be hard on you. You trusted him but he was not a trustworthy man. He was liar and a user. He knew all along that he had a girlfriend in Jamaica and that he was planning to marry her.

He should have told you the truth. Now after you have found out, he has not been back to see you. I hope that you would change the locks to your apartment.

You don't need any further explanation from this man. I hope that he does not owe you any money. Wish him well and try and be very careful as you move on with your life.

Pastor