My son’s ‘uncle’ is really his dad

Dear Pastor,

It is a pleasure to write to you and I hope that you can give me some advice. I am a 30-year-old woman and I have a son; he is now five years old. He knows his father but he thinks the man is his uncle.

From the time he was able to understand, I told him that this man was his uncle and that his father lived abroad. You see, this man is married and he got me pregnant by mistake while I was going to university.

He and his wife do not have children although they were trying for many years.

This man's wife is very jealous. She warned him not to cheat on her and if he did, the relationship would come to an end. He loves her and when we started to have sex, I did not know that he could really get me pregnant.

That is why I said that it was a mistake. But he did get me pregnant and I have never seen a man so excited when it was confirmed that I was pregnant.

To save his life

So he told me that the only way to save his life was to tell the child that his father lived abroad. So this man does have a brother abroad and the brother is aware of what my little boy knows.

Well here is my problem, Pastor. My babyfather and I have continued to be lovers. We are playing a game that must come to an end. Recently I met a man and this man loves me and would like us to get married. I would like to get married to him too.

But should the truth be told about my son's father? Every time I think about it, I feel worried because I love my child's father very much. But I do not want him and his wife to break up. What do you say?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

I know you are scared and I understand that there is a big risk involved if this man were to tell his wife that he has fathered a child who is now five years old. But I believe that the time has come for him to take the risk and tell her the truth.

In fact, he should have done so already. Yes, I know that she warned him about leaving him if he got involved with another woman. I understand why you concocted a story about your pregnancy because it seemed like the wisest thing to do.

But I doubt that this woman is going to walk away from him. If he is willing to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness, it is unlikely that his wife would leave him.

Encourage him to tell his wife the truth and free up your conscience and your life as a whole so that you can have a good relationship with the new man you have in your life.

I don't know what you have told this new man about the father of the child, but right now that is secondary. Do what is right, and I hope that the father of your son will not try to hang on to you by telling you that you should not end the relationship.

You should also tell your son the truth about his father. He might be happy to know that his father is around and is not living abroad.

If this man tries to hang on to you, you may have to take up the phone and call his wife and tell her the whole truth. I hope that will never have to happen.

I am not asking you to do so now but you should tell the man that he should not do anything to cause you to take that step.

Pastor