Grandma swears I’m having sex

Dear Pastor,

I grew up with my father; my mother left me with him from I was five years old.

I used to spend a lot of time with my grandmother but she used to quarrel with my father and tell him that he spoiled me. Even when I was a big girl, my father would wash all of my clothes. He is such a good father, and still is.

One day I asked my father if he did not want to get married and he said that he would get married if the woman would assure him that she would never hit me or try to abuse me, because he has had girlfriends and all they wanted was his money.

I would like to have a husband who is just like my father. My father is a loving and kind man and I can tell him anything. I can talk to grandma but she can get rough and she thinks that I will do bad things.

One day my grandma saw me sitting on a guy's lap. He was just a school friend who came by, and my father was not at home. They boy and I were talking and I found myself on his lap and did not even see my grandmother coming.

When I turned around, she shouted at me and I jumped up and ran. She asked me why I was running, and she said that I had become a big woman, and men were even visiting me. I told her that the guy was just a school friend.

My grandmother wanted to know why this guy had to come to the house when no one was there, and I told her that he was just passing. She said that she was going to search me.

I called my father and told him what happened. He asked me if I was having sex with the guy and I told him no. He called my grandmother and told her to leave the matter to him.

I was scared of my grandmother; I could not go into the house. I stayed outside until 6 p.m. when my dad came home. When my father went inside, I followed behind him and I tried to explain myself.

He asked me repeatedly if I had sex with the guy and I told him no. He warned me and told me that no man should come to the house unless an adult was there.

My grandmother was still fuming and said that she did not trust me. To this day I am still a virgin. But my grandmother would never believe. I do not take money from guys because my father takes very good care of me.

F.B.

Dear F.B.,

I believe you. Looking back, I am sure you realised that you made a mistake by allowing this young man to come into your parents' house while they were not there.

You should not be sitting on the young man's lap, because by doing so, you were inviting trouble. If you did not run, your grandmother would have probably given you some blows with her broom or the mop.

To her, you were out of order to have a man in her house. She knew how girls have got themselves into trouble that way. She said she wanted to search you, and there is where she was going too far.

But if she had the opportunity to search you, she knew what she was looking for. Your father trusts you more than your grandma and you said have a good rapport with your father.

I hope you will not do anything that will cause your father to doubt you in the future. Hold your head high. Try and further your education.

Your grandma and father would be proud of you. Although you do not know where your mother is, if you do well, she may try and find you. If she does, treat her with the greatest respect. I wish you well.

Pastor