Boyfriend refuses to use condoms

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to seek your advice because I'm confused. I wasn't born in an affluent household. My mom is a domestic helper and my dad is a labourer.

But they were still able to provide for me and my other siblings. Growing up, life was not always easy, but I managed to graduate from high school with eight CSEC subjects, eight CAPE subjects, and certification in other areas that I pursued in high school. I had planned to attend university after I left sixth form, but that has proven to be difficult.

I tried applying for scholarships, but I haven't got through. I also tried applying for a student loan, but finding persons to be guarantors has been futile.

BACK TO SCHOOL

After I left sixth form I didn't just sit at home. I enrolled in HEART and acquired a Level 2 business administration certificate. I am hoping to start university soon, with the help of God.

I am currently in a relationship with a guy from my community. My family members warned me not to get involved with anyone from here, but I did not listen.

I had a crush on him for a long time and he seemed like a very ambitious young man. This guy was my first-ever boyfriend. We went on a few dates and my feelings for him intensified.

We have been dating for seven months now and whenever I want to see him, I have to sneak out of the house. The only time this guy wants to see me is at night-time and every time we see each other, we end up having sex. He has never offered me any help financially. Even though I might not accept it, the offer would be nice. I am working because I don't want to depend on a man like the women in my family. Every time we have sex he does not use a condom. Even though I have demanded it, he would take it off midway during sex.

I am so afraid of getting pregnant right now because that would cause a delay in achieving my goals.

I have spoken to him about only wanting to see me at nights and he has assured me that's not the case. I think this man is using my naivety against me. He claims he loves me, but I'm so confused. Should I continue this relationship, or just end it and stay focused on my goals? I would really love to hear what you have to say in regard to this matter.

Confused.

Dear Confused,

When I first started to read your letter, I said to myself that this is a very intelligent girl. But as I continued to read, you disappointed me.

Why can't you see that this man does not mean you any good? Your parents warned you not to get involved with any man from your area. They have their reasons.

I am not going to condemn you for liking someone from your areas. But this guy you have chosen is not one to be proud of.

He only wants to see you at nights because his objective is to go to bed with you, and he does not want to be seen with you. You have been silly to go with him.

The fact that he puts on the condom and removes it during sex should have caused you to object to his behaviour and stop having sex with him.

This man wants to get you pregnant. He is a wicked young man, and you are behaving as someone who has absolutely no sense.

You should be thankful to God that he has not yet impregnated you. Love has blinded your eyes. He wants to destroy your future; he should be proud of you and support your plans all the way. But he is going to be a stumbling block in your way. You will be doing yourself a great favour if you would end the relationship with him. If you don't leave him, he'll get you pregnant.

I am sure if you are really planning to go on to university, God will make a way for you to do so. Your boyfriend is not ambitious and that's why he has never really offered you anything.

But perhaps it is better for you not to take anything from him. I will be praying for you. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor