Dad says too much sex is not good for me

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about a problem. I am 18 years old. I am the only child for my mother, but my father has seven of us. He and my mother got married 20 years ago, and she got pregnant with me. My mother is jealous of the relationship that I have with my father.

About five years ago, my father bought 10 acres of land and my mother thought that he should have put her name on the title instead of mine. When she asked him why he didn't put any of the girls' name on the title, he said I am his legitimate son, so it is my name that should go on. The girls will get married and their names will be changed to their husbands' names, but I will carry on his name. My sisters don't live with us.

My mother has it to say that I am the only child my father loves, but it is not so. My father helped my sisters to go to college but I have not gone to college, although I would love to. My head is not so quick, so I am doing computer studies.

I have a girlfriend and she is two years older than I am. My father told me he's not telling me not to have sex because I have natured, but I should not make this girl take over my life. He said that I am young and too much sex it not good for a man who is developing like myself. Sometimes I don't know what to do because when my girlfriend doesn't see me, she accuses me of having another girlfriend and she would call my phone non-stop.

Due to the fact that my girlfriend and I don't see each other often, every time we meet she wants us to have sex. She is always warning me that I am forcing her to keep another guy.

My father doesn't hide anything from me. He tells me his secrets and warns me not to tell my mother. I have $250,000 that my father has put away for me to buy a car, but my mother does not know about it. He says when I am 21, the account would have much more money and then we will buy the car. He doesn't want me to have a car now because the girls will be after me.

Please tell me how to deal with my mother, who tells me all the time that I am following my father's footsteps, and that is not a good thing to do. Should I follow my father's advice?

R.

Dear R.,

You have said a few things about your father that I would not want to be published. Your mother would be very upset. I am glad your father and yourself have a good relationship. There are many men who are like your father; they believe that everything they own should be in their sons' names because it is their sons who will carry on the family name.

That is why some men would never stop trying to have sons, because they believe that if they don't have sons the family name would die.

Some of the advice your father gave you don't make sense, but to him they are solid. Concerning the land that he bought, he was at liberty to do whatever he wanted but he did not have to put your name on the title, or any one of his children's names for that matter. Nevertheless, he wanted to give you real estate and that's commendable.

Your father wants you to learn to keep secrets, so he has money in an account for you and when you get to the age of 21, he'll buy you a car. Perhaps he feels at that time you will be more mature and you will not allow women to ruin your life. I hope he is right.

I want you to continue to show respect to your mother and to love her with all your heart. But whatever your father has told you not to say to your mother, I hope that you will not divulge such information. If you do, he will not trust you any more.

It is natural, young man, for your girlfriend to want to see you. You have to assure her that for as far as you are concerned the relationship between the two of you is strong, and she needs not to worry.

Pastor