I can’t resist the ladies

Dear Pastor,

I often read your column. When my wife was alive, she used to enjoy reading it and discussing your responses with me. She loved you, but she never met you. We were married for 20 years. We had a good relationship. It was almost perfect. She took good care of me, and I did my best to take good care of her.

My wife died from cancer three years ago. I tried my best to give her a good funeral. I've been trying also to live a good life, and I am active in my church. You can imagine how many women have shown interest in me. I have been trying my best to resist them, but I have not been doing a good job of it.

I am in my 60s, and I now have a female visitor. I can't resist her anymore. She is not willing to keep our relationship a secret. I told her to give me some time to figure out what I'm doing. The truth is, I am scared. Nobody can take the place of my deceased wife. This woman is 50, and she has never been married.

Do you think I should take the chance and marry her? I am looking forward to your advice.

T.

Dear T.,

You said that you are scared, but you didn't really explain what you are scared of. You had a very good life with your wife, who departed this life a couple years ago, and she would want you, I am sure, to be happy. You know that you feel that you should have another woman in your life, and regardless of what happens, nobody can take the place of your first wife.

If you are looking for someone who would be as your first wife, then you are making a very serious mistake. Your wife had her own personality, and no one can replace her.

This woman you have described as your visitor is eager to get married. If you feel as if you need more time to get to know her better, you need to tell her so. She cannot force you to do what you are not yet ready to do. You should get to know her well before you make that serious commitment with her in marriage. You need to let her know that if she cannot wait, she should go her way.

I am not suggesting that you should run her out of your life. But what I am saying is that if you are not ready to make the commitment, she should be told to give you more time. I am sure if she is a wonderful woman, everything will be all right. But I warn you, don't feel that you will find in her a carbon copy of your first wife. I wish you well my friend.

Pastor