Just can’t leave this man alone

Dear Pastor,

I began talking to this man four years ago but we had a fight and we broke up. He has a girlfriend but we are still having sex. I am 28 years old and he is 24. Every time I try to leave him, I realise that I cannot. I am in love with him. Can you please tell me what to do?

K.B.

Dear K.B.,

You say that this man and yourself have broken up, but the truth is that both of you are still having sex together. You know that he has a girlfriend but you didn't say whether you have a boyfriend apart from him.

I believe that what you are trying to say is that this man cannot make any claim on you because he is not committed to you and you can't have any claim on him, because you see him just as someone who meets your sexual needs. So what you all are basically having is a sexual relationship. When he wants to have sex he contacts you, or when you want to have sex, you contact him. I suppose this can be described as convenient sex as there is absolutely no commitment between the both of you.

I am sure you have written because you would want to go back into a serious and committed relationship with him. I doubt that this man will ever agree to change the type of relationship that the both of you have now. You love him, but he doesn't love you. He doesn't see you as 'wife material', as the guys would say. If you don't believe what I have said, you should quiz him and ask him if he would consider leaving his girlfriend and come back totally to you. I am sure he would tell you no. But if I am wrong, please let me know.

In the meantime, I suggest that you 'lock up shop'. Even when you feel for him, try and resist the thought of wanting him for more sex.

As long as you give him the opportunity to have sex with you, it is unlikely that he will refuse to accept the offer. Learn to keep your legs closed.

Pastor