Want to remarry but my church doesn’t allow it

October 28, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column; I read it all the time. I am 35 years old. I was married, and I have three children.

My husband was working abroad, where he got involved with a woman. When I found out, I asked him about it. He was not remorseful.

Instead, he argued and asked me what he should do, since I was so far away from him. When I saw his attitude, I cried. I cried because I could've cheated on him many times, but I didn't.

I started to cheat, too, just because of his attitude. I mean, I seriously cheated and I didn't care who knew that I was cheating. The guy made me feel so good. I even stopped going to church. I went out with my boyfriend every Friday. My boss, who always wanted me, got a piece of me. The first time we did it together, my boss said to me, "Any man will want you."


When my husband came home, I didn't deny that I started cheating, too. We are now divorced, and I am having a relationship with another man.

He wants us to get married, but I am not in a hurry. I am back in church, but I don't take part in anything. I will not do so until after we are married.

But my church does not believe in divorce and remarriage, so I may have to leave this church for another. But most of my relatives attend this church. My life is messed up.


Dear E.L.,

I am sorry to hear that you felt that because your husband was cheating and, according to you, was not remorseful, you decided that out of spite, you would cheat, too.

That was a bad way of dealing with the problem, because not only did you cheat, you were 'flashing this thing around', excuse my language.

However, it is not unusual for some women to react that way. Your husband was wrong in not even telling you that he was sorry for what he did.

You gave up church, and everything that was spiritual, for some time. Now, you have found another man and you're back at church. But you are in the back bench and you are not taking part in anything. I am sure you are not feeling very comfortable, because the rules of the church are that you can't remarry as a divorced person.

I cannot condemn your church; that is the position it has taken. It is not to punish you, it's the rule. You might have to move on if you wish to get married again.


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