Son saw me having sex with Joe

Dear Pastor,

I am a 26-year-old woman and I have a problem. I am not married but my boyfriend and I are living together and we have a four-year-old son. He is very smart and very close to his father. His father and I get along very well but I have a man with whom I had a relationship while I was in high school. We broke up but we never really left each other.

When I met my child's father, he asked me if there was any other man in my life and I told him about this guy. But I assured him that the relationship was no longer sexual.

That was just half-truth because during the relationship with my child's father, this guy and I have had sex. It is not a regular thing but I always promised myself that each time was the last.

My child's father was away for two weeks in January and this guy found out that I was alone and visited me. My son asked me his name and he foolishly told him.

While he was talking to my son, I told him he should not give him any information. I told him he should leave.

He went away and came back later in the night. I did not want to open the door but I did. I was not pleased but he assured me that it would not happen again.

We sat on the couch and we held hand hands. That led to hugging and he stretched me out and he was on top of me. Then the worst thing happened.

My son came in and in the excitement, I never saw him until he said 'come off mommy'. I did not know what to tell my son.

The following day when my son's father called, my son gave him the man's name and told him what he saw.

His father was angry and I denied everything. His father told me that I better not be at the house when he came back to Jamaica.

Pastor, I was having sex with this man but I could not admit it. Every day my boyfriend is still talking about it and telling me that he can never trust me.

He said that he has never been with another woman, although women have thrown themselves at him. I do not know what to do.

My child's father used to enjoy having sex with me but now I have to beg him to make love to me. He keeps saying that women cannot be trusted and he thinks the world of his son.

If his son does anything wrong and I try to correct him, he asks how come all of a sudden I hate the boy. I will never admit anything to my boyfriend. I am so confused.

Y.W.

Dear Y.W.,

What occurred between you and your former boyfriend is a mistake that you would never forget. You have let down yourself and your child's father.

It is not for me to condemn you but you know that you have made yourself very cheap. Your child's father may never forgive you because he believes that his son is speaking the truth and that there is no reason why he would lie.

I understand why you are afraid to admit what you did. I am not going to tell you what to do because I do not know how your child's father would react.

Right now, in his mind, he believes his son but wonders if his son could be mistaken. Whether or not you are willing to tell him the truth is up to you.

I know some people would say that you could tell your babyfather that the man raped you, and that would be a big lie because you would then have to explain why he was at the house. Perhaps you could look at this relationship as a bad experience and plan to leave this man as soon as you can, because he has said that he will never trust you again.

Tell me something, did you truly love your child's father? If the answer is in the affirmative, why couldn't you control yourself?

Whether you tell him the truth or not, I know for sure that this relationship is dead. You can try to be as nice to your man as much as you can, but his love for you will never be the same.

Pastor