I am the product of a one-night stand

Dear Pastor,

I have been a regular reader of your column. I thank you for the great work you are doing. I have a concern that I am hoping you can help me with, I was born in America, but my mother is a Jamaican. She was 18 years old when she became pregnant with me.

My mother, I am embarrassed to say, had a one-night stand with a man. She went to a dance and was playing hot girl and was drinking, and she had sex, not fully knowing what she was doing. She did not even know the name of the man. When she was trying to find him, nobody knew who she was talking about.

A few months after, a woman who used to sell by the side of the road told her that she knew him, but she did not know his name, only that he used to buy boiled corn from her.

I am now 23 years old and I would like to know my father. My mother is living in America, and I am living with her. My mother has worked hard to put me through college. I am her only child. I have been encouraging her to get married, but what my father did to her has caused her not to trust men. But my mother is a darling and she loves my girlfriend. I don't have anything against the man who is supposed to be my father. She said both of them were under their liquor and he did not protect her.

She should have gotten his name, but she did not. I cannot tell my children the name of my father, because I do not know. I have been carrying my mother's last name. I have never told my girlfriend the real story, but I told my girlfriend that my father is living in Jamaica. Now, both of us are planning to come to Jamaica and she is eager to meet my father. She would be really disappointed not to meet him.

My mother told me not to give my girlfriend the impression that my father is alive. What do you suggest that I tell her? My mother regrets what she did so much that she does not drink alcohol at all. She is afraid. My mother went back to school when she came to America; she is now a nurse. I am proud of her, and she is proud of me.

Recently, I got my mother to start going out. My only problem with this man is that he is younger than her, but she loves him. And it is better for this man to be in her life because when my fiancee and I get married, we will be living on our own.

O.C.

Dear O.C.,

You have been carrying your mother's name and it has not affected you. You should continue to do so. Many people carry their mother's last name. You would love to know your father, but circumstances will not allow that. Lots and lots of women were careless; they have sex with men and they do not know the last name of the men. And some men don't know the name of the women at all, whether it is the first or last name.

Your mother at least tried to find your father and was unsuccessful. And after leaving Jamaica she realised that she was on her own; and, indeed, she was. She went back to school; she became a nurse. She educated you and she showed you much love and affection. She could have given you up for adoption, but she didn't. She was very careful. I hope your father is alive and that one of these days you might just find him. In the meantime, live your life and don't embarrass your mother in anyway. Tell your fiancee that you do not know where to find your father. I don't think you have to tell her what transpired between your mother and him.

I hope that this man she is dating would treat her with respect. She is close to you, so she would tell you what is going on between them. Take care of your lady, and I hope that you will enjoy visiting Jamaica.

Pastor.