Husband’s phone filled with naked pictures of other women

Dear Pastor

I've been reading your column since I was a little girl. I like the encouragement you give to others, but I never knew I would be asking you for advice. I hope this message finds you well.

I'm a 29-year-old female who is married to my high-school crush, who is 31 years old. Our relationship is long-distance; I'm in Jamaica and he's in America. He visits very often. I'm living with his family because when I had nowhere to go, he told me to come and stay in his room; that was before we got married. I appreciated how he helped me out even though I've never asked him for anything.

My husband has a lot of female friends. Some are his ex-girlfriends, so I was very uncomfortable with that. He said I am insecure because that shouldn't affect me. But how can it not affect me when I know he's talking on the phone for hours with them?

He said I'm not the same person he fell in love with because I have lost my reasoning abilities, so sometimes he would rather talk to his ex because they talk about business.

My confidence level was high when I met him, now I feel like I'm not good enough for this man. This man questions even the way my body looks, because I've gain 10 pounds since we met. Now he said that I am losing my 'big ass', and he doesn't like how this looks or how that looks. He messed around with three women (not sex, they just made out) since we met, one of the girls was a past schoolmate of ours. He said he wanted to take his mind off having sex with me because I had genital herpes and was having a breakout; that was his excuse to always be on the phone with her. This was in the second year of the relationship. The other was his ex-girlfriend that he talks business with. During the three years of our relationship, he left and went to the city to see this girl. He said she came on to him and he never stopped her.

I saw screenshots with naked images of her in his phone. He said it was before we met, but it has been three years. Why would he still have them on his phone? He blamed it on me, saying he asked me to change this and that and I don't care.

He still questions me about my past relationships and said he feels a way about me having ex-boyfriends. This is despite the fact that he was messing around with other females. He has a babymother with whom he has a six-year-old son. I still feel he has a thing for her, because they're always on the phone whenever her husband isn't around, and she is still in love with him.

He told me he loved her shape. I found screenshots of her in his phone where she stripped her clothes in the bathroom entertaining him on video call, just like I do. This was during our first year of the relationship. All the females I mentioned here, he has naked pictures of them, plus others that I don't recognise.

He was having conversations with the baby's mother and based on it, I think he was asking her for sexy pictures to masturbate to. I asked him why he has the pictures and what he uses them for. He admitted that he would masturbate to them as it's better than cheating on me. I have a lot of female enemies because my husband is good-looking and tall, and many persons wanted to be with him. The fact that he married me caused them to hate me.

I love my husband and I really don't know if it's worth the fight. I can say I have never loved anyone this much, but I just don't know any more. I feel lost. I feel like giving up and going our separate ways and let this man live his 'whore life'. Please tell me what to do.

S.

Dear S.,

This guy has no shame or respect for you. He said that he is not having sex with the women, but he is a liar. He takes you for a fool. You only have a husband by name. You ought not to believe his nonsense. When he comes back to Jamaica, both of you should go and see a counsellor; but be prepared to get divorce papers from this man at any time. Perhaps you should consider divorcing him.

Pastor