I’ve never had an orgasm

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and I have been having sex seen I was 17. I became a Christian when I was 29 and I got baptised.

I met my husband in church and we had sex a few times before I said it was not right; so we got married. My husband is a good lover, better than the first guy I was with.

But something must be wrong with me because I have never experienced an orgasm. But my husband told me to be calm. I have talked to other women and they told me it's a wonderful experience, and when it happens, it will be sweeter than sugar.

This woman told me that my husband needs to do more than just touching my breasts and kissing me. He has to learn to eat 'good food'.

I told her that I feed him well but she told me it was not that type of food she was talking about. But she is a respectable member of our church. They don't believe in oral sex.

They say that the mouth was not made for that. I heard the pastor preaching about it one day. I would like to know if it is really wrong.

The churchwoman told me not to call her name and she and her husband love each other. She also said that not everything the pastor says is right.

Pastor, can we come to see you for counselling? Please tell us what to do.

T.C.

Dear T.C.,

First of all, let me say that I am glad that you have got married and your husband and yourself seem to love each other and care for each other.

Concerning the matter of orgasm, not all women experience orgasm during sex. There are some women who have never experienced that. They fake orgasms.

They shake up themselves and make noise so that their men can feel that they have pleased them. So some sex therapists will say that although men will play with their wives or partners, they may not come to orgasm.

About 75 per cent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone, that is, without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 per cent never climax under any circumstances.

This older woman that attends the same church as you do who has given you advice, you shouldn't probably ignore what she said.

She was speaking from experience and she was talking woman to woman. Your husband and yourself should buy books and read them together. Take good care of yourself and live in hope that one day you will have this type of experience these women gleefully talk about.

Pastor