Boyfriend wants to give me a better life

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and this is the second time I am writing to you. You did not respond to my first letter. I don't know why. I have a boyfriend and he is 28. He is supporting me.

He told me he would send me back to school next year. I want to become a cosmetologist because I am not so good with the books but I am good in doing hair and nails.

He likes when I dress up. I have everything that a man wants. I have a nice bottom and I have nice hips and I am good looking. One of his close friends is looking me.

One day my boyfriend was at work and I was alone cooking. His friend came by and was trying to inveigle me to have sex with him. I asked him how he could call himself my boyfriend's friend and want his woman. He said nothing is wrong with that and that is life. I told him I would tell my boyfriend.

He said that I was not crazy. He said that if I did that, he would tell my boyfriend that I was the one trying to get him to have sex with me.

I thought about it and I changed my mind about telling my boyfriend. But I told the guy's girlfriend that he approached me for sex and she said she didn't understand why, because whenever he wanted sex, she did not refuse to give him. I stopped talking to him.

Pastor, I grew up in the ghetto. My first boyfriend was from the ghetto. He never helped me and when I wanted to leave the ghetto, I had to lie to him. My ghetto man was the boss and he took my virginity and I know three other girls he was having sex with at the same time. None of us could say anything bad about him.

When I met my boyfriend, I didn't tell him everything about this man but the moment I said ghetto, he asked me if I wanted us to be together and I said yes. He gave me money to buy a SIM card. The only person who has my number in that area is my mother. When I want to give her money I call her and she meets me somewhere. I don't even want my mother to know where I live but my mother understands.

This man from the ghetto doesn't know my boyfriend, but my boyfriend knows him, and my mother knows my boyfriend also. I took him to meet her at the market and when she saw him, she cried and told him to take good care of me. Our landlady told me that I am the second girl that she has seen him with. The first relationship didn't last long.

He is a very quiet man and he pays his rent on time. We slipped up once and he got me pregnant but I lost the baby. I don't want children for now.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You are very fortunate to have met a man who is treating you very well. Many girls who grew up in the ghetto are very intelligent and clearly you are an intelligent girl. No one should be blamed for where he or she was born and where one is born does not determine what one will turn out to be.

When I was a young family counsellor, I was talking to a girl who was born and raised in a depressed area and when I was encouraging her, she kept saying "a ghetto mi come from".

She was trying to reassure me that she was not going to allow any man to kick her around, so to speak. She knew how to face life. That girl ended up being a businesswoman and she raised a beautiful family.

When you realised you needed to move out from the area you grew up, you did just that. Then you met this wonderful young man who has been taking care of you. He insists that he will send you back to school and that you will learn to do what you want to do.

Make sure that you are faithful to this man. Do not have anything to do with his male friends. Some of them will try to use you and tell lies about you.

Pastor