My boyfriend: Not handsome but very ambitious

Dear Pastor,

I was born in Jamaica, but my parents took me to the United States of America (USA) when I was a child. I went to school in the USA. My mother and father separated when I was in college. So I was living with my father and his girlfriend. My father and I get along very well.

Then one day my father asked me if I was not interested in any guy because I have never introduced any to him. I told my father that his friends have always shown interest in me and he was shocked. But the conversation ended there as I saw the expression on my father's face. From that day my father did not encourage any of his friends to come to our house unless we had a family gathering or such.

My father's girlfriend was always jealous of my father and myself. My father and I could talk about anything. He made sure that I had enough to carry me through the week.

I finally met a guy and I told my father about him. This guy is not handsome, but he is ambitious. My father told me to stick with him if I love him. My father's girlfriend told the guy that I was not a good girl and that I only like handsome men.

When he told me these things I was hurt, and I told my father what his girlfriend said. My father told her that she was saying these things because she wants me out of the house, but she would never be lucky to see me thrown out of the house.

I am 19 and I am still having a relationship with my boyfriend. He does not drink or smoke. I don't plan to move out of my father's place and get married. I am trying to get him to go to church with me. My father said that I should not push him; I should allow him to live his life.

I just need your advice. He is very good with working with his hands, so he is trying to get into a vocational school. He bought himself a car and he considers that a big accomplishment.

I am trying my best to keep out of my father's girlfriend way. I think she is only with him because of his money. My father told me that he is going to get rid of her very soon, it is only a matter of time. She had no right to tell my boyfriend lies on me. And you know what Pastor, it was only when I was 17 years old I had my first sexual experience. My father's girlfriend was not even living at the house at the time. I was alone at the house with a guy I thought loved me. I lost my head and had sex with him, but he turned out to be no good.

I already told my boyfriend that by next year he should enrol in school because if he doesn't, our relationship will end. He has ambition, so I hope that we can make it together.

S.

Dear S.,

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive your father's girlfriend. I observe that you did not call her your stepmother. Perhaps you do not recognise her to be your stepmother. So let me call her what you call her; your father's girlfriend.

Some stepmothers do not like to see men and their daughters having a good relationship. It is well known that a lot of these women lie on the men's daughter because they want their fathers to throw them out.

I don't know if that was the reason why this woman lied on you, but it upset your father to the extent that he said that it is just a matter of time before he throws her out of the house.

You are taking it further by saying that this woman is there because of what she can get from your dad. As women, both of you should have a very good relationship, but she did not want that to be so. You have to keep out of her way. But on the other hand, you can help the situation by asking your father to forgive her for the lies she told on you.

You are in a position to help your boyfriend. You said that he is not handsome. If he is hard-working, ambitious and respectful, both of you could work together.

Pastor