Afraid to have sex while I’m pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old female and I am pregnant. Since becoming pregnant, I don't feel for sex very often. My husband said something must be wrong but I know that nothing is wrong with me. I have talked to other women and some say that is how they felt, too, but others say that they have had sex regularly. When I tell my husband that I don't want to have sex and he insists that I should, I feel very angry. I noticed that he has stopped approaching me for sex but I am getting worried because he has started to stay out late.

My husband gets home the latest 7 p.m. after leaving work at 5 p.m. Last week up to 9 p.m. he wasn't home. I became worried and called him, but couldn't get him. When he got home I asked him why he didn't answer his phone. He said that he was unaware that the phone was off. I asked "why didn't you call me?" He said nothing.

I am writing you now because the same thing happened again. This time he had an excuse. He said he went to a meeting and everyone had to turn off their phones. He said that I should not fret about these things, and that if anything is wrong he will call me. As soon as he ate and had his shower, he fell asleep. That is not my husband.

I just wonder if you can give me some ideas on what to do. I hope he is not seeing another woman just because of sex.

V.

Dear V.,

I am not saying that your husband is now seeing another woman because that is possible. You have been rejecting your husband and you are going to have to find ways and means to make your husband feel comfortable with you in bed. But I want to assure you that what you are going through is quite normal. Some pregnant women enjoy their husband even up to a few weeks before giving birth.

In my early years of counselling, I shall not forget how a woman told me that even in her eighth month she demanded sex from her husband. He kept telling her no and she would argue with him because she said she felt for it. Her doctor told her it wouldn't hurt the baby. One day as soon as her husband and herself were finished having sex, he had to rush her to the hospital.

It was time for her to give birth. When she was relating her story, she kept laughing saying that it was fun. From time to time I do get these questions.

Some women do not like to have sex while pregnant out of fear. They feel that the child will get hurt. But they feel that way because of lack of knowledge; absolutely nothing will happen to the baby because the child is being protected in the amniotic sac.

What you have to understand is that your husband needs the physical comfort that he can get from you. It is not good enough for you to tell him that you do not want to have sex. You can hug him. You can squeeze him. You can play with him and even bring him to orgasm.

If he is seeking another girl because of your rejection, he should not put all the blame on you. Both of you have to reason this thing and find ways to comfort each other. It will not hurt if you would take time to ask him if he is coming home late because he is seeking comfort from another woman. Some men are bold enough to tell the truth but some would deny it.

Having said the above, let me quickly add that sometimes men don't like to look at their pregnant women, and so they ignore them, because some pregnant woman are not attractive at all. That may even cause them to go astray. Try to keep yourself attractive. You may dress well. Avoid looking sloppy and your husband may want to come home early just to be with you.

Pastor