Cautious about getting married

Dear Pastor,

Someone recommended me to you about a wedding. I am 57, but I have never been married. I live abroad and I would like to get married. I have seven children, three girls and four boys.

Some of them are married and are asking me when I will get married, especially the girls. They say I am going up in age and I would need somebody with me.

I met a woman and she says that she loves me. I have worked hard and sent my money to Jamaica to build a three-bedroom house. I trust my children, especially the girls.

I used to depend on one of my boys, but I found out that he was pinching my money, so I don't send my money to him anymore. I am building a nice house in St Catherine and this woman likes the place. So I believe that we can work together.

She had four children. She is 62. She used to live with a man, but she left him because he is a drunkard. I don't think I am making a mistake, because I don't have any more reasons to run around. My days for that have come to an end.

Whenever I come to Jamaica, this woman treats me very well. She bathes me, scrubs me down, cuts my nails and powders me. No woman has ever treated me that way.

She told me that I should stop working, but I am very strong. I told her that when we get married, I will work until I am 65. This woman has caused me to start going to church, but every time I go to church it is like they are preaching at me and calling me to repent. It seems as if the pastor heard something about me. Every time he is preaching, he points at me.

Pastor, here is my problem. I have some money put away. This woman doesn't know anything about it. She asked me how much I have saved and I told her I did not have any savings.

She said that that would be all right because she has put away $3 million and she has her insurance policy. I don't want anybody to love me for my money, and that has always been my problem with women. But it is really time for me to get married. I want to find out from you when is the best time to see you so that we can talk. Thank you very much, Pastor.

H.

Dear H.,

You have seven children and your woman has four, so you will have a big blending of the family. Just as you don't fully trust this woman, some of her children may not trust you, and some of your children may not trust her. I know that you don't fully trust this woman because although you are willing to get married, you are lying to her about your savings.

If she should find out later that you had savings and you didn't tell her, the relationship will cease to exist. So brother, you have to learn to come clean. She told you she has put away $3 million, and she did do because she is serious about marrying you. You shouldn't be afraid to tell her what you have.

I hope one of your children's name is in your account. It is not wise for a man your age to have an account in your name only. But I want to ask you to stop this nonsense. Be honest with this woman and when you are back in Jamaica, both of you should make an appointment and see a family counsellor. You should not get married if you do not trust this woman. If you would like to see me for a session, you may call 876-929-1667 or 876-877-1009 and make an appointment.

Again, I warn you. Don't try to trick this woman by withholding vital information from her. She is coming to the 'table' with the money that she has saved. Now you should come clean and bring something to the table, too. If you can't do that, you are not ready to get married.

Pastor