Lost my virginity to a ‘cruff’

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am in a relationship with a 21-year-old guy. He took my virginity a few months ago in his car. It was very painful and now I have found out that he is having a relationship with my best friend.

She and I are in school together. I approached her about it and she said he told her that I was nicer than her. She said he forced her to have sex with him. She said that, after they had sex, he hardly calls her. She said the she is very sorry about it because that shouldn't happen between friends. She shouldn't hurt me and I shouldn't hurt her.

The person who told me that this man had slept with my friend was a guy. He said that this guy was scandalising my name and that of the other girl. He was saying that he wanted to get as many girls as possible to go to bed with him.

I talked to one of my brother's friends. He is a bad man. This guy said that he could protect me from this guy, but I would have to give him a piece of the action too.

Pastor, I don't want to do that because I am not that type of girl. I don't want many men to know about me. But I feel very hurt to know that this guy fooled me and then went to my friend and fooled her too.

I have never gone to his house. I don't even like the area where he lives. I didn't tell my brother that I had sex with this guy. I just told him that he was calling up my name and saying that he liked me and he must get me. So I am asking you to please tell me what to do. He said that he is a Rastafarian. He is not even employed and I don't like men who are not employed.

Please for your advice.

A.J.

Dear A.J.,

You are 17 years old and this man is 21. You are not yet an adult, yet you have allowed this 21-year-old man to trick you and to have sex with you in a vehicle.

He doesn't even have any class. He is a dirty man. His goal, as he has stated, is to go to bed with as many women as he can get. Such guys like the thought of having sex and bragging about it, and that is exactly what he is doing. He probably knew the other girl was your best friend.

He was bragging about what he did to his friend, and that is how you found out. You said you have spoken to your brother about him. A quiet word from your brother can help to shut him up. But your brother should make sure that he does not threaten him. A quiet word will be sufficient. You should make sure that you drop him as a friend and that you do not take anything from him or go out with him. I hope your girlfriend would do the same.

Consider what you have done as a mistake and choose your friends carefully and spend more time on your schoolwork.

Pastor