Unsure if I should marry a younger woman

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 and I have a babymother and a girlfriend. My babymother is a 'buck up'. I had sex with her when I was under my liquor. I know that I had sex with her, but I wasn't fully conscious. When she told me that I got her pregnant, I said no, but it didn't take long for her to convince me about what happened that night. She was 'under her waters', too.

The child is one year and six months old and I have been supporting him. He is a nice little boy. I have grown children. I have not told any of them that they have a little brother, but my babymother's family knows about him. She is working, so it is not a strain to take care of the little boy.

Now, I come to this other problem I am having. My bona fide girlfriend is 27. I haven't told her anything about this child, but these days she has been telling me that she wants to settle down and has been asking me when we are going to get married. Her father is an elder in the Church and she wants to join him. He is always talking to her about getting married.

I told my babymother that I can't marry her because I have my bona fide woman. I didn't tell her how young the person is, but she simply said 'all right'.

Pastor, I am asking for your opinion. Do you think that this 27-year-old woman is too young for me? She promised to be very faithful, and so far I don't have a problem with that.

I don't know of her having another man with me, but I think about it all the while. I have a house that I am leaving for my children, and I am trying to build a new house on a piece of land my grandfather gave me long ago so that my wife can have her own place. But it is her age I am worried about. I am hoping that you would give me your opinion.

G.R.

Dear G.R.,

I once asked a man who had many children why he fathered so many and he said to me, "Pastor, it is not that I wanted to have so many children, but I impregnated these women while I was under my liquor."

I couldn't understand how a man under his liquor could 'stand at attention' and have sex. So, while reading your letter I remembered that conversation.

You went to bed with this woman and you were not in total control, so you impregnated her and now you don't even know how to tell your girlfriend, who you describe as bona fide , what happened. I am going to suggest to you anyway that you tell her before she finds out. I am sure she would not kill you, and I doubt very much that she would leave you.

You have already told your child's mother that this 27-year-old is around. Probably you haven't told her the woman's age, but whether or not you did, it wouldn't change anything.

NOBODY'S BUSINESS

Concerning your fiancee's age, this is nobody's business but your own. You are concerned about it. You know there is always a danger in a man marrying a much younger woman.

She might be very faithful to him, but she might not. She should know why she married him. I have seen very young women who have married older men and the relationships were very successful. I have seen men take care of young women almost to the point of worshipping them, and these young women have been unfaithful.

So one never knows what will happen, but you are not many years ahead of this woman. Make sure both of you go to counselling and talk about everything. But, if at all you are doubtful about this woman, don't marry her. I wish you well.

Pastor