I think my sister wanted my man

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to tell you that I always enjoy reading your column. I just celebrated my 30th birthday. I have a problem I want to tell you about and to get your advice. I have a sister. She is living in the US. I always tell her about my boyfriend.

Last year, she came to Jamaica and I introduced her to him and I could not get her to leave him alone. She fell in love with him and talked about him morning, noon and night.

Everywhere he was going, she wanted to go. At first, I did not think anything was wrong with that. I was glad that she loved my boyfriend and that she accepted him as part of the family.

One day, he came to the house and sat on the couch and she went and sat near to him and was squeezing bumps on his face. I found that so strange so I told them that the only person who should be doing that is me. My boyfriend laughed.

Another thing I noticed was that she was not careful how she carried herself. She exposed herself and I talked to her about it and she was annoyed and told me that she has her man.

So I told her when she gets back to the US, she should expose herself to him but not to my man because my man is my man and what he has belongs to me.

She called my mother who lives in the US and told her that I was accusing her of wanting to have a relationship with my boyfriend. My mother told me to be very careful with my sister because she has developed a reputation of getting involved with other women's men.

I had to stop my boyfriend from coming to the house while she was visiting because I asked him if he would have sex with her and he said "Why not? Mi a man". My sister and I were very close when we were growing up and I know she started to have sex when she was 14 because she told me. But she has a man in her life now after trying a lot of them.

Why would she want to share my boyfriend? I told my boyfriend I don't trust him any more because I didn't expect him to say that he would have sex with my sister if she offered.

I told my sister on the phone that I was sorry if I offended her but I was willing to put what happened behind us. She said OK but she is not coming back to my house. Pastor, did I do anything wrong?

S.

Dear S.,

Your sister clearly likes your boyfriend. She felt free and comfortable with him but that does not necessarily mean that she wanted to go to bed with him. She was squeezing bumps on his face and you didn't like that. Perhaps you felt jealous or you felt that squeezing bumps on his face should have been done by you because that is an intimate sort of behaviour. Just think about it. But your sister thought nothing about it.

What do you mean by your sister was always exposing herself? Do you mean that she was showing too much skin? Anyhow, your boyfriend's reaction was very bad when you asked him whether he would have sex with your sister and he said yes. You should have known that this is not a good man because a good man would not want to have sex with his sister-in-law or any close relative of his girlfriend.

Your mother did not make it easy for you. She poured fuel in the fire by telling you that your sister is loose and she has always got involved with other women's men. Some things must not be said at all because they might not be true.

You did the right thing by speaking to your sister about what happened during her visit. You have not condemned her but you need to go further. You should tell her that she is welcome at the house at any time.

Pastor