I don’t want to sell my body any more

Dear Pastor,

I don't know what you would say about my problem. I am only 23 years old. I grew up with my grandmother, but I used to visit my mother every week while I was attending school.

As a child, I used to ask my mother why I could not live with her. She would always tell me that there is not enough space at home, but I suspected that it was more than that. One day, when I was 13 years old, a young man cursed me and he called my mother a whore. People who heard started to laugh. I cursed him back and told him that my mother is not a whore. He said that he knows exactly where my mother operates from.

When I went home, I told my grandmother what this man was saying. I told her that I know my mother to be working in a doctor's office. My grandmother asked me if I have ever gone there to visit her. I told her that I have never gone there but I could get the address. My grandmother told me that I should not even try to go.

My father brought money for me and gave it to my grandmother. My father did not have much time for me, but he would always questioned me about my schoolwork. He would come to parent-teacher meetings. When boys started to chat me out, my mother used to tell me, 'Don't get involved with them.' One day I complained to my father about a guy who touched me on my bottom, and my father went to him and warned him. The guy got scared and never touched me again.

When I was 17 years old, I had sex with a guy and he got me pregnant. My father said that he was finished with me. He said that the guy must take care of the baby because his time for grandchildren shouldn't have come so soon. Things were getting hard with me and it was at that time that I found out that my mother was a prostitute. When I talked to her about it, she said that it is not something that she is ashamed of doing. She said that she would stop one of these days. She also said that that is the way she eats bread.

I am back at home with my grandmother because I left home for a short period. It was trying to make life on my own, but it was hard. Prostitution is not a good life, and some of the guys who have sex with you do not want to pay you. I engaged in it for a few months, but I refused to go further with it. A man told me that what I give to him didn't worth more than $10. I threw it back at him, but as he turned away I took up my $10.

I met another man and I am going with him. We have not started to live together as yet, but we plan to very soon. He is a chef, but nothing much is going on for him and the restaurant these days. I don't want to sell my body any more, and I want to work and help my mother. She and I have a better relationship these days.

H.

Dear H.,

I hope this man that you have met would treat you well. It is not in me to condemn you. Some years ago, a young lady I counselled told me that for years her mother left home each evening and said she was going to work. She did not know that her mother was a prostitute until one evening she saw her mother among prostitutes working. She was so shocked. But her mother hustled on the road and faithfully supported them. It took her a long time to come to realise that while she was criticising what other women were doing, her mother was also doing the same thing. I have mentioned this matter before, and I will mention it again.

A young woman taught me a lesson that I will never forget, she was an extremely beautiful, young woman (the Coco-Cola-shape type). She was hustling a ride and she was trying to stop me, so I did. She said to me that she attends college, but she works and sends herself to school. She was a young prostitute. I asked her if she was a prostitute and she said yes. I replied, "How could a girl like you have sex with people you don't know and love?" Without hesitation, she replied: "I do not have sex for love. I have sex for money." I wished her well, and I was glad to get her out of my car.

The problem with that girl is that she was helping herself to survive. There are those who would say that she could have got a job. Perhaps that might be true, but she might have found it difficult to hold a steady job and go to school. Let no one believe that I condone such a practice.

I hope that you would stick with this one man that you now have, but at the same time never neglect your mother. Your father considers you old enough to support yourself. He believes that he tried. Please work hard and make both your mother and father proud.

Pastor