My dad married a ‘gold digger’

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am a regular reader of Tell Me Pastor and I have something to talk to you about. I am 27 years old and I am the only child for my father.

My father married a woman who was 10 years his senior. I did not grow up with them, but I spent some time with them during school breaks.

My father worships me. Nothing was too big or expensive for him to buy for me. My father even wanted to choose my boyfriend for me but I had to stand up and tell him that I was old enough to choose a man for myself, and that he shouldn't be worried about me because I would always carry his last name.

When I heard that my father was seriously ill, I gave up my job and went to be with him. His wife did not like that. She saw me as a threat and she told me that I did not have to stay with him. She said that I could go home and if anything happened, she would call me. She called my husband and told him that he should try and keep me out of her house because I was only sitting around watching my father. My husband told her that he would not get involved.

Pastor, the big problem that woman had was to get my father's money and his house. I had to go to a lawyer that my father told me about months ago and the lawyer helped me. Unfortunately, my father died and she did not want to spend any money to bury him. But my father made provisions for his funeral. So my husband and I and other relatives took care of that.

Would you believe that eight months after my father's death, this woman had another man in his bed? She did not have any respect for my father or her own children. She was upset because my name was in his biggest account. I hate this woman so much. Not only did she get involved with another man so soon, this man is even younger than my father. And remember, my father was younger than her. So that is the kind of woman she is.

While I was staying at my father's house I was driving his car but she always wanted to use it while one of her children used her car. I am so glad that my father didn't put everything in this woman's name. Some men do not like Jamaican women but this woman is not a Jamaican and she is very bad. People say the same thing about American men, but I cannot say anything bad about American men because my husband is an American and he is sweet. This woman called me recently but I just told her 'Happy Mother's Day' and I moved on.

M.

Dear M.,

There are good American women, very good ones, dedicated mothers and some love Jamaican women. There are some who do not like Jamaican women because they say that Jamaican women take away their men.

I know as a fact that many American women love Jamaican men. They think highly of them. They say Jamaican men are very domesticated and they can cook very well. But, of course, that is a very broad statement. Some men can't cook and some are very lazy, but there are some women who like to control the men and as soon as they get their pay cheque, they allow the women to take the money away and spend it as they feel.

Evidently, your former stepmother loved your father but she loved his money more and she did not have much tears (if any) to shed when he died. Of course, you consider eight months after his death too soon for her to become intimate with another man. But there are women who have become intimate with other men much earlier than that.

I am sorry to know that you lost your father but evidently he was very careful with his money and he loved and cared for you. You will always miss him. I hope that you will find ways to honour his memory and I hope that you and your husband would take care of each other. You do not have children as yet but I would encourage you to go back to school and keep active in a church.

Pastor