Husband left me because I cheated

Dear Pastor,

I am a 52-year-old woman and I have one daughter. Her father and I were married, but he divorced me five years ago.

I did a very stupid thing that I now regret. Pastor, I was on vacation in the US and I went to a party and lost control of myself. I slept with my friend's husband and before my holiday was finished in New York, someone called my husband and told him.

When he picked me up from the airport and we were heading home, he asked "how was the trip?" I told him it was wonderful. He said "it must be wonderful if you cheated on me".

I was so shocked that my glasses fell off my face. I did not say another word to him and when we got home, he asked me again if I cheated and I told him I would explain everything to him. He said "there isn't anything to explain. It is either a yes or a no". I tried my best to explain myself but he has never forgiven me. Life has not been the same for me since.

I have tried to get my husband to forgive me but he said no way. He is the one I will call on if I am not feeling well.

My daughter told me that I had no reason to cheat on her father. I told her to talk to him on my behalf so that we could continue to live as a family. He said he had made up his mind to divorce me and no one, not even the minister of the church, could get him to change his mind. So my husband divorced me although I went on my knees and begged his forgiveness.

He told me that even if I were to beg "70 times seven" he would not forgive me, especially since he knew the guy I had sex with, and he is not even in his class.

Now, Pastor, I have met another man who I like but he is also not in my category. He can't even read well, but sometimes I am here all alone and I do need the company of a man. Occasionally, I call my ex-husband to come over but he always says that he is done with me as far as sex is concerned.

My daughter knows my current man and when I told her that he wanted to marry me, she told me I would be stepping down but if that was what I wanted, she would not stand in my way.

She also said I should remember that the house belongs to me and her father, so this man should not expect to get her father's house. Pastor, this guy is a wonderful man but he has nothing. Sometimes people make big mistakes and I have made a big one. What do you think about my situation?

D.

Dear D.,

The relationship with your ex-husband is dead. The mistake that you made cannot be changed. When your ex-husband asked you about your infidelity, you admitted that you were guilty.

You did not say someone told lies about you. You told him that you were unfaithful and you had sex with a certain gentleman whom he knew. As far as your ex-husband was concerned, there was no need for you to be unfaithful to him. So he lost confidence in you. The relationship is over. Not even your daughter was able to persuade her father to change his mind.

You claim that you love this man with whom you are having a relationship, but he is not educated. I suppose some people would say 'when people are in love, education doesn't mean much'. It may mean a lot in the circle you move around. But if people are in love and they cannot cope with the circle in which they move, I suppose that they would have to stay in the background. When you have visitors, he can't sit with you and your friends and talk, but he can keep you happy at a certain place. We may take this thing lightly, but if you love this man, both of you can 'deal' and it doesn't become anybody's business but your own.

Concerning the house, I am sure that your husband and yourself have talked about that in the past. He would have given you his suggestions and your lawyer would also give you guidance on that.

I wish you well. Take care of yourself.

Pastor