My chauffeur was more than just my driver

Dear Pastor,

I am a 65-year-old woman. I was married twice. My second husband was a cheater, but he was very loving to me. He took me with three children and he educated them.

After we got married, I became ill and he employed a driver for me. The very thing I accused him of doing, I found myself doing. The driver was much younger than I was, and some people used to think that he was my son. The guy became more than just my driver. I was so comfortable with him that I allowed him to watch television with me and to massage my legs and my shoulders.

One evening while he was massaging my shoulders, I was sitting on a stool and I could feel that he had an erection. I asked him what was happening to him and he said I knew. I realised that he had fallen for me. I removed my top and he massaged my chest and I loved it.

I asked him to go to the bedroom with me and he said, 'No ma'am, I cannot do that to your husband." I told him that my husband would not come home until the next day, and he said he knew that. I had sex with this young man. It became a regular thing between us.

I have a friend in the US who came to spend some time with us. She was never married. They both hit it off. She asked me about him. She went back to the US and returned and they both got married. I miss him. Even after he was married and waiting for his papers, we used to have sex. My friend did not know that we were. My husband would not believe that I was cheating.

My husband told me that he liked my attitude because I stopped harassing him about women. I told him that one day he would stop, but I was prepared to have sex with him whenever he wanted.

This young man has gone back to school and is doing so well. My children are living abroad, and they always ask me how he is doing; he used to take them around.

One day, he told me that he would love to have a child, but his wife cannot have any. I feel so sad that I can't give him one either. Should I encourage him to go outside the marriage and get another girl pregnant?

R.

Dear R.,

I have observed that you did not give me the age of your chauffeur, who became your lover. What you have revealed about yourself is that you are a very cunning woman.

You are a very, very bad senior citizen. You used your husband's cheating as an excuse for cheating, too. You tempted this man all along. You exposed yourself to him and even when he resisted, you told him that everything would be all right. This man yielded to you not because he loved you, but because he saw you as an opportunity to earn some money.

Your husband got you a driver but instead you 'bun' your husband, left, right and centre. You are a bad woman. This friend of yours who came from the US and fell in love with this young man has done him a great favour by marrying him. But even after she married him, filed for him, and he was waiting for his papers, you were having your way with him. If your husband heard about these things, he would say you would never do that.

Now to the question that this man posed to you about going outside the marriage to try and father a child. He should not be encouraged to do so. Perhaps what he should be thinking at this stage of his life, and having got mixed up with you and your friend, is to consider adopting a child. He could adopt one or two, if his wife agreed. Some people may say he should divorce her, but I am asking, on what grounds should he divorce her? I leave it for you to think about it.

Pastor